Divorce Grief; Your Unique Healing Process

Divorce Grief; Your Unique Healing Process

“Time heals all wounds.” “Keep your chin up.” “You’re better off without your ex anyway.” These are common clichés that caring friends and family members can offer without realizing that the complex grieving process after a divorce cannot be attained by hearing such simplified sentiments. Grief is hard, messy and very personal. It is a process that requires active participation on your part to come to terms with your feelings about your divorce, and your ex-spouse. Here are some things to consider as you move through the grief process. (These tips are relevant for any relationship that has ended.)

Give yourself a break. 

You are allowed to feel sad, angry, confused, or any other emotion that pops up post-divorce. There is no right or wrong. Honor how you feel throughout the process. Others may have your best interest in mind by saying “just get over it” but just know that the grieving process occurs on YOUR timeline. There are no time limits. You are unique. Factors such as; how it happened and why, how bad the marriage got before the divorce happened, and children among many others determine your individual process. Give yourself permission and time to feel deeply.

Moving Forward 

Before real healing can truly happen, you have to come to terms with the fact that that your marriage is over. If you are the one who initiated the divorce, you may be far past this point, however your new path brings its own challenges that can create fear and emotional discomfort. If your ex was the one who wanted the divorce this may be a sticking point effecting your moving on.  Divorce is a devastating life event, and not one that anyone would choose or create for themselves if it could be avoided. One thing you do have control over is the ability to accept responsibility for choosing to move forward.

Learning to let go of anger.

Anger can often be a feeling associated with a divorce and the end of a relationship. In the cases of infidelity, excessive spending, substance abuse, or dishonesty this could be magnified. Forgiveness is essential to moving forward.  Hanging onto anger not only clouds clear thinking, the unresolved stress associated with it can lead to behaviors to relieve the uncomfortable feeling – excess drinking, smoking, emotional eating and sleeplessness.  Stressful emotions such as anger can also sap the precious vital energy needed to maintain your health and forward motion in your business and relationships. 

NOTE: If you are feeling a bit of resistance to the idea of forgiveness this is normal.  Just know that forgiving someone does not mean that you condone the behavior that caused the hurt; it means you understand that resolving anger is good for your peace of mind, your body and spirit. You can’t control what anyone else says or does however you have complete control over how you feel about these events in your life.  It may not seem easy at the moment however there are tools that make it easier to accomplish this and return to emotional balance quicker.

You may be angry at yourself as well. This is normal too. If you are spending time rehashing what you “could’ve, would’ve, should’ve” done this is a sure sign that there is a need to gently forgive yourself. This is a time of life to extend compassion to yourself.

The weight of sad and painful feelings.

Divorce causes emotions and it may feel as though they will never subside. You may feel like you don’t want to leave your house or get out of bed. You might even feel like you are carrying a heavy weight around. All too quickly these emotions can become part of your “norm” and swept away in the midst of busy days.  It is important to acknowledge and release them.  The hidden and unresolved longterm stress from grief can add up over time and create emotional and physical issues. Common perception is that these feelings are something to just wait out, and eventually they will go away. The truth is that learning tools and techniques to identify the specific events and memories that we are unfinished with will help us work on resolving the sadness and pain of the divorce.

Working towards feeling better.

While there is no set timeline on which the grieving process must occur, you can set a goal of reaching a place where you have found a sense of resolution with your divorce and the circumstances surrounding it. Visualize what this will look like for you. Set a goal of crafting a vibrant, fulfilling post-divorce life, and actively work towards reaching that.

Are you struggling with **divorce grief? We can help guide and educate you as you work towards healing. 

**http://www.dianaeruiz.com/

Grief Recovery Method® Specialist
www.DianaERuiz.com

about

Diana E. Ruiz, M.A.

Diana E. Ruiz MA helps women entrepreneurs resolve deep losses in life and relationships through practical steps so they can feel good in their skin again and experience their true brilliance in life and business. “The work Diana does is personally freeing and liberating…the added bonus? I am on fire in my business!” Rae Anne Hall – CEO Forward Principles – Diana is an Author, Grief Recovery Method Specialist®, Emotional Freedom Technique Practitioner

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Why Volunteering is Important

Why Volunteering is Important

Volunteering is something we were all encouraged to do in high school and college to beef up our college applications or resumes. Your church may have volunteer opportunities and maybe you are in other organizations that offer time to volunteer. There are so many things in life that pull our time that often volunteering can fall to the bottom of the to-do list, but there are important social and health reasons to volunteer.

Creates Connection with Others

Despite all of the online connections that are available at our fingertips, people are lonelier now than ever before. An AARP study reported that one in three adults age 45 or older categorized as lonely. Online connections are great for maintaining existing relationships, but they are not very useful in making new ones. The act of working alongside someone in a volunteer cause helps develop strong bonds. It is also beneficial for strengthening familial bonds by sharing your values with one another. Volunteering is also a great way to teach children about the importance of giving back. Children who volunteer with their parents are more likely to grow up and volunteer in their lives.

Increases Longevity

It is well documented that people who volunteer are happier and healthier later in life than those who do not. It has been noted that in later life volunteering is more beneficial than diet and exercise for longevity. Volunteers remain physically and mentally functional for longer. It is especially true for those who have been volunteering their whole lives.

Provides a Sense of Purpose

The nature of volunteering is that you are working without getting paid. For some reason this provides a sense of purpose for those who choose to volunteer in their lives. It is not well understood why this happens, but a theory is that when you volunteer you are choosing to do so with a cause that is very important to you, so it gives you the opportunity to put your time into things that you are passionate about in your life.

Volunteering is not only important for organizations and communities who need people willing to donate their time. It is also a great activity to enhance real life connections and relationships and keep you healthier longer in your life.

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Business Success Begins with You

Business Success Begins with You

The Success of Your Business Begins with You

How do you know if you are moving in the right direction to reach the level of success you desire in your business? In order to be successful, you must first define what success means to you. This comes from your ‘why’? Why are you doing what you do? What keeps you moving forward when things get tough; when you don’t make that sale you were counting on; when you aren’t sure you have enough money to cover your bills; when you question if you were crazy for starting your own business?

What does success mean to you?

To everyone, success is different. It is up to you to determine what success means for you individually – no one else can decide that for you. To one person success may be defined by the amount of money earned; to another, it may have to do with the time spent with family or the number of lives that are changes.

So many people look at success with the idea that it should come easily and when it doesn’t they get frustrated, upset and give up. They then tell themselves stories like they aren’t cut out for it, they don’t have the right luck, they weren’t destined for success, they weren’t meant to be wealthy, and so on…and when they see others with success they become envious and sometimes even spiteful. You have access to success; you have the ability to do great things with your life.  Success begins with a desire and a will followed by action. It is your individual responsibility to take action and take the steps necessary to create your success.

Here are four questions to ask yourself to determine whether or not you are on the right path to reach your desired success:  

What are your daily activities?

The choices you make every day, every hour, every minute, impact the results you receive. Do you plan ahead? Do you have a routine for continual growth? How do you begin and end your day? Do you envision the outcome? Your actions will either move you toward or away from building the business you dream of.  

What is your internal dialogue saying to you?

Be consciously aware of the verbiage that plays within your mind. Does your self talk tell you can do it or that you can’t? Do you mentally beat up yourself when things don’t work out or when you don’t complete your goals? Do you tell yourself you are a failure? What you say to yourself will either grow your business or destruct it.

Do you see the opportunities around you?

It’s easy to become closed off and focused on what you want and how you want something to happen. What you want and what really happens often do not correlate. Are you open to letting things unfold and develop in a way that you never thought of? Do you keep your mind open to inviting the possibility of new opportunities? Chance are, you will find when things work out different than what you anticipated, it turns out much better than you planned.

What is your Failure Exit plan?

No matter what stage you are at in your business, you will face moments when you ­­­feel like a failure and you want to quit. What is your plan for exiting that feeling of failure and turning it around into hope and confidence? How will you keep yourself pushing forward? Do you have a process you follow to keep you focused? Do you have a close friend or colleague who will encourage you when you feel discouraged? Develop your plan now, before are ready to quit.  

You have what it takes to create the success you dream of. Now is the time to access your power to make it happen!

Catherine M. White
Business Coach & Consultant | Accelerated Results 365 Founder
www.acceleratedresults365.com
www.lifeleadersinternational.com
(206) 422-4450

about

Catherine M. White

Catherine M. White, founder of Accelerated Results 365, is an author, speaker and innovator. She works with high performance clients to strategically develop effective business processes for continued high level success using her signature system, P.O.W.E.R.R., designed specifically for visionaries, and entrepreneurs. This program leads to authoritative breakthroughs by creating innovative tools that enable businesses to catapult past the competition.

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Why It’s Important to Trust Your Hired Team

Why It’s Important to Trust Your Hired Team

When you reach the point in your business that you need to bring on employees or hire out projects to other professionals the biggest hurdle is finding people you can trust. Many business owners will stall their growth because they never find the right people or they have one bad experience and do not want to dip their toe back into the hiring pool. So, why is it so important to find people who you trust? 

They are Working on Your Business

When you hire an employee or another business to perform a job you are handing over a piece of the brand you have built. You are giving another person responsibility that can affect your business positively or negatively. You need to have a trusting relationship rather quickly to get the most out of the work. If you do not trust your hires you won’t want to hand projects over, which means you are still doing all the work. 

They See Behind the Scenes 

New team members are often privy to the backend of your business. Strategy, intellectual property, financials are shared so the team member can do their job effectively. Since a lot of behind the scenes business information is sensitive, you want to make sure you are hiring trustworthy individuals/professionals who understand professional discretion. It is also a good idea to have NDA’s created and signed if that makes sense for your business. 

They Need to be Receptive to Feedback and Input

Working with a team member or a hired professional has to be a two-way street with a lot of communication. You are hiring for a job or project and the person you are working with needs to be open to your feedback and willing to listen and understand your business needs. This type of communication comes from a relationship built on trust and great communication. If you do not build trust with the people you are hiring you will never believe they care about your thoughts, needs, and concerns. Alternatively, if you have open communication with a lot of trust you can look forward to a long-term relationship that will benefit your business for the long haul. 

Even though finding the right people for your business can be challenging, there is a lot of benefit to seeking out the right people and building trust. They can help grow your business faster than you can on your own and free your time to focus on the aspects of your business that only you as the owner and CEO can attend too. 

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50 More Amazing Journal Prompts

50 More Amazing Journal Prompts

We wanted to share 50 more thought provoking journal prompts to help you get started or dive deeper into your journaling practice!

1. What are your top 5 values in life?

2. What are your best character traits?

3. What is something nobody knows about you? Why have you kept it a secret?

4. Write about an important person in your life who you are grateful for. What do you admire about this person, why have they had such an impact on your life, and what would you like to tell them?

5. What is your biggest fear, and what about it makes you feel scared?

6. What makes you feel fulfilled?

7. When something good or bad happens, who is the first person you want to tell, and why?

8. Discuss 5 things you wish others knew about you.

9. What quote or saying inspires you when you need it most?

10. Look at yourself in the mirror and then write out 3-5 physical traits you love about yourself, and why.

11. What do you want people to remember most about you when you’re gone?

12. What inspires you?

13. Who is your mentor, why do you look up to him/her, and what has he/she taught you?

14. What is your 5-year plan? Map out all of the things you need to do to reach your goals.

15. Do you have any unhealthy habits that are holding you back from your goals? How can you overcome them?

16. What is the best parenting advice you’ve ever received?

17. What shocked you most about motherhood?

18. Describe your biggest achievement as a mom. How did it make you feel?

19. When your kids look back on their childhood, what 3 things do you hope they remember most?

20. Write a letter to your pre-mom self telling her all the things you wish she knew.

21. How has your mom shaped you as a mother?

22. What are your favorite family traditions?

23. Discuss a time you felt you failed a mother. If you could have a do-over, what would you change about the situation?

24. Describe 5+ things about your child(ren) that make you proud.

25. List the 5 people you spend the most time with, why, and how they’re affecting you — your behaviors, your thoughts, your life.

26. List the top 5 people you admire, and why.

27. Who is your favorite person in all the world and why?

28. What is your favorite song/musical piece and why?

29. List your top 5 favorite books/movies, and why.

30. If you didn’t have to worry about money or people’s opinions, what would you do with your life?

31. How do you spend your time? On a weekday? On a weekend?

32. What is a book you wish someone would write?

33. What is the next thing you want to learn? And to what degree?

34. Define the following: Success. Wisdom. Love. Faith. Truth. Courage. Joy

35. List all the things you think you SHOULD do, that you don’t want to do.

36. Or the opposite: what you SHOULD NOT do, that you do. Why?

37. If your house burned to the ground, what are the top 1–3 things you would want to save? (not including people — assume your family is outside already)

38. What do you need today?

39. What time of day are you most productive? Why do you think that is?

40. What has been inspiring you lately?

41. What have you always wanted to do, but haven’t gotten around to it? What is stopping you?

42. What was the last scary decision you made? What did it feel like? Do you think you made the right choice?

43. What’s the last good habit you developed? How did you do it?

44. Write as if you’re seeing someone in your life for the very first time.

45. Write to, or about the last person you kissed.

46. Listen to an old song and write the emotions that come forth.

47. Consider what you would change in your life, write a letter to your younger self based on those things.

48. Write a stranger’s story.

49. Make a ‘happy moments’ list and write a scene from one of those times.

50. Write about a conversation you’re longing to have.

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