Important Piece for the New Empty Nester

Important Piece for the New Empty Nester

Inevitably the season or quarter of life [2nd (26yrs-50 yrs) or 3rd (51yrs-75yrs)] arrives when the children as young adults move out, or at least part of them moves out. Teaching and helping them become successful adults, or adulting, as it is now being referred to, remains in play. The job of the adult parent is to set the boundaries for how much and for how long their stuff can continue to reside or be stored in your home or garage, attic or basement.

Have you had the experience of your grown children’s stuff still in your garage and you are growing tired of it? Consider if it is reasonable to keep their cabbage patch doll in your garage when the man child is 39 years old and not yet married. Would he really want to show Miss Right his doll that is in the mom’s garage? Doubt if she would be impressed. Or what about the 36-year-old single woman with 7 storage units in various cities around the county. Would that excite Mr. Right? Can you imagine introducing him to each unit? The woman’s parents guilted her into hanging on to all the deceased relative’s things because she might need or want it one day and she made all the monthly payments.

Their stuff is their stuff and they need to learn how to sort through what they want, will use and feel they need in their home (even if an apartment). They may really want to hold on to something and determine if it is worth storing in a unit they pay for and are responsible for; that is what successful adults do. They are responsible for their stuff up until their own last breath. They can decide when to let go of it and bless others that may need what they no longer need or use so resist storing their stuff for years or decades.

Like most of us, we tend to move a few times in our lives and there are things to do to help prepare for it and that is especially true with elder parents. Teresa Barthol’s article may be of help to you working through those challenging conversations at https://www.favelifestyles.com/conversations-with-parents

As a professional organizer since 2000 who describes herself as a Life Navigator, I’ve seen many no longer used or needed items in 80-year-old adults’ basements and garages that belonged to their own grown children along with things they kept themselves since their own early teen years. We all need to grow up and be honest about where we are and in which quarter we now experiencing life. Certainly, into our sixties we need to be paying close attention to our accumulation of stuff. Personally, I want to be a blessing to my grown children and not burden them with a lot of stuff to wade through and determine where or to whom items should go. I know one family that was able to remove all their elder mother’s things the day following her death since editing what was needed and used continued to the last days of her life.

Elisa Hawkinson
Professional Organizer | Author Calming Your Chaos | Leader of the Smooth Organizer Community
www.elisahawkinson.com

about

Elisa (Lisa) Hawkinson

 

 

Since 2000 Elisa (Lisa) Hawkinson, author of Calming Your Chaos, has been teaching and training businesses and individuals to support anyone who is not naturally organized on a consistent basis to be just that. Her HOW2GetOrganized seminars, workshops, and speaking along with hands-on coaching and coaching by phone has evolved from her natural genetic bent for order. Efficiency, calm, productivity and profitability are increased with the help of HOW2 and Elisa.

 

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Who decided it should be called the Empty nest???

Who decided it should be called the Empty nest???

The EMPTY NEST…it sounds so…empty and sad!

The name itself suggests that this stage of life is missing something. A nest is supposed to be filled with eggs and the young and we are supposed to be feeding and caring for those young. Once the nest is empty then it is not fulfilling its purpose. WOW, what do we set ourselves up for with this name???

Of course, there are feelings of sadness and loss and grief with the ending of the child-rearing years. And there should be! Things that are important to us bring sadness when they end. The child-rearing years are wonderful, hard, challenging, incredibly busy, ever-changing and they lead us to grow in ways we never would have on our own. When those years come to an end they deserve our grief. But that feeling of emptiness need not define the next stage.

I feel that this next stage in life invites us to many exciting opportunities. We have maturity and experience. We have had enough experience to know what we like and hopefully, we have the maturity to know ourselves, both our strengths and our weaknesses. We also have the freedom to discern what our heart is telling us to fill it up with. Rather than spending our time focused on feeding and caring for our young which is wonderful and amazing, we can broaden our focus towards taking all of the gifts that we were born with and have developed as Mothers and use them in ways that serve our neighborhoods, communities, society, our world. We can make a difference. I see nothing in living a life focused on living with purpose and meaning and values that say “empty nest”.

Clearly, we need a new name for this exciting time in life. Teresa Barthol https://www.facebook.com/teresa.barthol calls this time in life The Third Quarter. I like this because it speaks to the Arc of Life and reminds us that just because we are post-kids, post-menopausal, post-anything doesn’t mean that we are post-living. We have so much life to live, and so many gifts and skills and knowledge and wisdom to share.

I think my choice for this time in life is the Full Heart stage. My heart is full with my husband, my family, and friends, and answering the Call of my Heart in my work. It is full of joy and creativity and play. Yup, I am sticking with calling this time The Full Heart stage!

Transition Life Coach | Energy Psychologist | Creative Arts Facilitator
www.wisetransition.com

about

 

Karen Herold

 

 

After 30 plus in the business world Karen Herold considers herself a recovering CPA, finance and executive management business leader. She left her business career to pursue a master’s in transpersonal psychology followed soon thereafter by certification as a psychosynthesis life coach. She brings her wisdom and knowledge as a yoga teacher, creative expression arts facilitator, energy psychologist and a life transition coach to each coaching session. Karen is also a member of the faculty at Sofia University. Karen empowers and encourages her clients to embrace Transition as an Invitation to envision, create and manifest their next stage in life as one that is filled with Purpose, Meaning and Value. Karen is a contributing author to The Call of Self: Psychosynthesis Life Coaching, which is a journey to understanding transpersonally oriented life coaching where she shares her experience of the intersection of life coaching and volleyball coaching.

Karen is the mother of three adult daughters…all of whom she coached in club volleyball at one time or another. She is also grandmother to four young grandchildren and is recently married to her loving husband Chris.

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What is REALLY Stopping You

What is REALLY Stopping You

Does this sound familiar? You noticed that you are applying all the knowledge you so painstakingly learned in order to accomplish something important to you and it isn’t working the way you thought it would?  I have experience this many times. What I have discovered is most times the reason I’m not moving forward in the way that I would like has nothing to do with my proficiency at implementing actions or knowledge in the area that I want to move forward in. And that trying harder doesn’t work. I’ll share a story to illustrate this.  

Hidden Blocks

A very successful client of mine was feeling frustrated. She was helping others to heal their lives and become financially successful, however she was frustrated that her own financial success was eluding her.  As we worked together we discovered that at one point as a young mother many years earlier she had decided to stay home with her young children and let go of her high paying career. She was adamant that money would not be a distraction from being a good mom. When she realized that it was her own decision keeping her from welcoming financial abundance in her life now that her children were grown.  It became apparent that all she had to do was make a new decision to welcome finances into her life again. Since making that decision her organization has grown in leaps and bounds since that very important – aha.

Another client had been trying to reach her goal of a firm, and youthful body, however every time she began her workouts she would pull a muscle a few weeks or months later.  This made it impossible to continue her routine. This pattern happened for years and it was very frustrating because she loved the way exercising made her feel emotionally as well.  After working with her we discovered that as a very sensitive and caring child she allowed herself to shine less brightly around her sister who struggled with confidence. There were several levels to her history; she was also afraid that her sister might reject her and exclude her from her social circle which happened many times. This was very emotionally painful for her. She just wanted to be accepted and loved and wanted others to feel good too.  When she understood her fears something inside her clicked. She was able to see that this wasn’t serving her anymore. She had a great relationship with her sister these many years later. The fear of hurting others by being her best self was released and she no longer suffered from injuries during her workouts.

Our subconscious is very strong and depending on our understanding of a situation will try to protect us.  Our subconscious mind is where hidden blocks are stored.

But how do you know when something hidden is holding you back and how to change it? Just pay attention to how you feel. If you are experiencing; frustration, anger, heaviness, lack of energy, anxiety that doesn’t make sense these are all sure signs of a hidden block. 

Relaxing and Revealing

When I work with clients there are several powerful methods I use to find their personal hidden blocks. In this article though, I can share that the best way to move past a block and get into inspired solutions and actions is rather simple….relax about it.  I know it sounds too simple however let me explain. 

All of those emotions I mentioned in the previous section are different expressions of fear.  When your mind body and water connection experiences fear it constricts the processes of your body and brain (read more in my article The Secret to Having More Energy). Simply put we are literally “dumber” when we are experiencing stressful emotions such as anger, frustration, shame, embarrassment, fear, and guilt etc.  All of these emotions become our “reactions” to situations.

If we choose to “relax” about the situations we find ourselves our brain gets into a supportive flow. The result is we get new ideas, solutions, and clarity.  Note: The following exercise is not about changing the situation it is about changing how you FEEL about the situation. This is the secret to accessing meaningful solutions.

Stress Isn’t The Real Problem

Stress isn’t the problem in our lives, not knowing how to relieve stress and access relaxation is the real problem. Here is a powerful exercise for you to access a relaxed response to your situation.

Exhaling Exercise – Create a moment of reflection where you are not distracted. 

  1. Breath in deeply 3 times – this creates a relaxation response in the body.
  2. Think of the situation that is bothering you, assess how you feel about it.  Rate it on a scale of 1-10. Write it down.
  3. Breathe in deeply and then exhale until you cannot exhale anymore while thinking of the issue that is bothering you. It is important to have the intent of “exhaling” any aspects of the situation that are not healthy for your mind and body of water.  You can close your eyes if you wish.

Reassess the level of intensity of how you feel. Do this until you feel lighter about the issue.  Most importantly when you are feeling lighter take time to answer the following questions and write down your answer to solidify it in your mind.

“What is the new lighter perspective on this issue?”

“What is the next logical step I can take to move forward comfortably in this situation?” Write it down and take the step.

Some clients have different new ideas that come up that they hadn’t thought of before or had already considered however hadn’t acted on it yet.  Suddenly the idea of acting on it makes logical sense and feels very doable.

Most clients realize that there isn’t a step they have to take because, without realizing it, they had been taking on someone else’s issue which they now realize isn’t their responsibility to figure out.  Their action step is – to let go.

Good health to you as you relax your way to success on your unique journey. Blessings.

Grief Recovery Method® Specialist
www.DianaERuiz.com

about

Diana E. Ruiz, M.A.

Diana E. Ruiz MA helps women entrepreneurs resolve deep losses in life and relationships through practical steps so they can feel good in their skin again and experience their true brilliance in life and business. “The work Diana does is personally freeing and liberating…the added bonus? I am on fire in my business!” Rae Anne Hall – CEO Forward Principles – Diana is an Author, Grief Recovery Method Specialist®, Emotional Freedom Technique Practitioner

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Doing Life Together: Why Our Unscripted Moments Are Often Best

Doing Life Together: Why Our Unscripted Moments Are Often Best

We had an earthquake this summer. Riding into the parking lot of my favorite coffee place later that morning, a news reporter stopped me and asked to talk about my experience. I looked back and forth between the reporter and his camera person and blurted out, “Guys! Do I look like I’m ready for on on-camera interview???? I’ve got wet hair, wet-helmet hair to be precise. I’m wearing last night’s yoga pants and very little mascara.”

Almost in unison, the guys’ response was, “You’ll be fine.”

A couple weeks later I met with Cathy Cooper, the host of KKNW’s “Loss and Found” to prepare for my second appearance on her radio show. At the time I was both excited and nervous. When we parted, I smiled and said, “Cathy, this will be great!” but the voice in my head was shouting, “Cathy, do I sound like I’m ready for a radio interview????”

I love speaking with women. I love sharing a message with both smaller and larger groups. I love inspiring and encouraging an audience. I don’t love going live—whether speaking on camera or on the radio. Way too many what-if’s! What if I stumble over my words? What if I say something stupid? What if I’m caught with nothing to say?

In both instances I was fine. In the TV interview, they aired a single comment from an unscripted moment from an unforeseen event. The radio interview was delightful. We got to have an unscripted conversation about our time in the Rest Areas of life, using my book “Signs in Life” for a few moments of inspiration.

Yes, life is unscripted. And worrying about the what-if’s finds us stepping away from life’s adventures, avoiding opportunities that pop into our day. 

Where can you say, “Yes, let’s!”

Preview YouTube video WOLK: Say It with Flowers!

Watch Video Below and Meet Deanna!

Speaker | Writer | Author
www.FruitOfMySpirit.com

about

Deanna Nowadnick

Before my father died, he reminded me that Mom had asked me to write a book. At the time the boys were in college, and the notion of writing was unfathomable. Writers write books. By the time my boys were adults, I’d run out of excuses. I was also at that age when I could pause and reflect.

Fruit of My Spirit: Reframing Life in God’s Grace was my first publishing endeavor. My second was Signs in Life: Finding Direction in Our Travels with God. Both are collections of stories that tell of God’s love and faithfulness. Both tell of His remarkable grace and mercy.

When not writing, I serve as the Client Service Coordinator for The Planner’s Edge, an investment advisory firm in Washington state. I’m active in my church, serving on the Leadership Team and gathering with a wonderful group of ladies to study and giggle over lattes and chocolate. On my desk is a rock with the words “Choose Joy!” etched in it. It’s my inspiration for each day. As an author, it is my hope that my own words might share that joy we find together as children of God.

With Him, it can be so.

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How to Start A New Career after 45

How to Start A New Career after 45

The idea of switching careers after 45 can be daunting. You have been working at your career for years and are likely very established. It is risky to make a change. If you are thinking of switching careers it is probably because you are not happy or fulfilled in your current situation. So, how do you navigate the process of changing careers after 45? We have five tips for you to make the journey as easy as possible.

Do the Math

Make sure you know how much you need to earn to cover your bills and lifestyle. Before you make any moves, you need to know your bottom line. If there are areas that you can cut costs make those adjustments before you leave your job. The #1 reason that women do not make a career change is because of money. If you are realistic about what your financial needs are and what your earning potential is, you can make career decisions with a clear idea of your financial needs.

Start A Business

If being an entrepreneur interest you, but you cannot afford to leave your job consider starting a business. You can structure it around your work schedule and do something that you really love. As your business grows you can ease out of your full-time job and into running your business full time. Or, you can have a side hustle that is where you gather fulfillment, while maintaining the financial stability of your job.

Contact Your Network

Social media keeps us all super connected. We have access to people we used to work with, old supervisors and well-connected friends. Reach out to your network and let them know you are looking at making a career change. You never know who knows of a great new job.

Know Your Worth

Women are notorious for undervaluing our skills and experience. Before you begin looking for a new position take stock of what you bring to the table. When applying for positions leverage your abilities to paint a picture of how you can fit and thrive in the position.

Update Your Skills

While going back to college may be unrealistic at this stage of life, you can always brush up your skills. If you are seeing requirements for certain computer programs or technology take it upon yourself to learn. Not only will new skills make you more employable, but they will give you confidence as you apply for new opportunities.

There will be challenges to changing careers after 45. You will be competing with younger people; you might need to brush up your skills and it is daunting to change paths. Even if you have fears, there is a lot of reward to finding something you are passionate about for the second act of your working life.

about

Karen Rae

I was becoming an empty nester, a woman of a more interesting age and in transition. Sound familiar? I was at that place where we question our purpose, value, and worth and what in the world are we going to do with the rest of our lives.

I noticed women have a huge hunger to belong to a community of women where they can feel safe, share openly from their heart and have other women to do life with! This is why I created my Fave Lifestyles.

Fave is for the woman who wants to call Fave her community of women who support, uplift, and make her feel better about herself. I want to create a place where we help her answer life's questions and just do life together!

Let's Do Life Together at Fave Lifestyles

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