Dealing with Residual Resentment

Dealing with Residual Resentment

Fave Lifestyles

What if you thought you had forgiven someone, yet you feel you still have some sort
of resentment you can’t seem to figure out or let go of?

Or you are experiencing residual sadness and anger that come up even after you feel you have truly
forgiven someone.

What do you do?

There are a few different reasons why we might have some residual resentment, anger, or sadness
even after we think we have forgiven someone.

1. We might have only forgiven them from our heads (as a decision) rather than from our hearts (spiritual understanding).

If this is the case, we might still be seeing the problem more clearly than the relationship.

2. Another reason might be that we have not completely identified exactly WHAT needs to be
forgiven, or additional repercussions keep arising that we weren’t aware of when we forgave originally.

For instance, let’s say we forgave someone for a damaged car fender, but later we have to replace
the tire, then our insurance goes up, and a year later there is a noise and vibration up in the fender
that we have to get looked at.

These additional features that we were unaware of when we forgave are then added to the cost and
may require additional forgiveness.

3. Another common reason for resentment is that we are not fully healed from the damage done
and the pain is ongoing.

4. We could be experiencing “triggered memories” associated with an offense. For example, I
might forgive my friend for lying to me, but discover that resentment keeps showing up because I
have unresolved, and unforgiven issues from when my mother would lie to me as a child about her
drinking.

What we can do to start feeling some freedom around these left-over feelings is getting curious
about them.

  1. Sit quietly with a pen/pencil and journal
  2. Take some breaths and focus on your heart
  3. Allow yourself to say: I notice I am experiencing _________ (here is where you would
    name the feeling: anger, sadness, resentment, etc.) about _____________ (name the person
    or situation)
  4. Breathe into the feeling without judgment – just allow it

5. Ask yourself: What do I need to know about this feeling of resentment or anger
or sadness, etc.) and see what is willing to be shown to you as you continue
to breathe into it.

Journaling and breathing and getting curious are excellent ways of gaining insight.

Brenda Reiss

Brenda Reiss

Forgivness Coach
brendareisscoaching.com

about

Brenda Reiss

The author of “Forgive Yourself”, Brenda Reiss truly walks her talk. She discovered the power of self-forgiveness when a series of life events put her in a very dark place. Failed marriages, abuse, and severe health issues were just a few of the challenges she faced.

Determined to rewrite her story, Brenda sought answers – and found them in the concept of “radical forgiveness”.

What she learned changed her life forever.

Brenda is highly skilled at helping people find peace in their personal and professional lives. Coupling teachable techniques with forgiveness theory, this certified Radical Forgiveness© Master coach creates an environment which allows clients to release anger, shame, and guilt. The result? An opportunity to live with joy in the present and the future.

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How To Navigate Online Dating

How To Navigate Online Dating

Fave Lifestyles

Just because we’re women of a certain age, that doesn’t mean that online dating is out of our league. Quite the contrary, online dating is a great way to find companionship, friendship, and lifetime loves. Here are some tips on how to navigate online dating.

How You Got Here Doesn’t Matter; It’s Where You’re Going That Counts!

You may have been divorced recently or just waiting for the right person. Maybe you’re widowed and don’t want to spend the rest of your long life alone. However, you got to this point—where you’re navigating dating—it doesn’t matter. What matters is how you proceed from here. The most important thing is to remember that online dating doesn’t have to be scary. Just make sure you have an open mind, basic goals you want to achieve when looking for potential partners and a basic familiarity with the Internet and websites. Then get ready to leave your baggage behind follow all the online dating etiquette and get on a new road to a new adventure.

Be Sure You’re In The Right Place

There are TONS of different online websites, but the reality is…they’re not all for you. Nor are they where you’ll want to find potential partners. Don’t mess with Tindr or Bumble. They’re not who you’re looking for and they take way too much work to weed through the mess of fake profiles and immaturity. Instead, consider sites like eHarmony, Match.com and EliteSingles. We also like over-50 sites like Stitch.net and OurTime.com. These sites are more probable for you to find like-minded potential partners, and isn’t that the goal in the first place?

Be Honest.

You don’t want someone puffing themselves up only for you to be disappointed, and no one wants that from you. Of course, put your best foot forward. Choose a photo that you love, but don’t pretend to be something you are not. There are many people who will add online filters, and camera tricks to look younger, tanner, or fitter. Why start a potential relationship on a note of dishonesty? The best way to navigate online dating is to be honest and open about who you
are and what it is that you’re looking for.

Prioritize Safety

This is one of the most significant dating tips for women! Remember, your  your safety has to be a priority. Period. When you’ve gotten to the point you believe it’s time to meet someone, make sure you do so safely. ALWAYS meet in a public place for the first several dates, and ALWAYS let someone else know your exact plans. For the first date, consider something casual so there’s not a lot of pressure. Always drive yourself (or have someone drive you) so you’re not dependent upon anyone to get you home. If someone you’re interested in doesn’t see the need to prioritize your safety, they’re not your person. Period.

Set Boundaries

Listen, we know that online dating can be…well, a bit addictive and lead to obsessive checking of texts, emails and more. It’s kind of kin to playing the slots every time you get on your site, and there’s a reason that gambling can be addictive. So, set boundaries. Give yourself times that you’ll check messages, review profiles, respond, seek, etc. Live your life outside of focusing on online dating, and enjoy the process. Boundaries protect you from losing your mind and help you weed out what you’re really looking for.

Figuring out how to navigate online dating can make you feel overwhelmed, but it doesn’t have to feel that way. Now that you know how to date online, just remember there’s no pressure for anything to happen, and you just might find you’ll enjoy online dating even more than you did the in-person social scenes back in the day!

Here are a couple of more articles from Fave about dating and relationships that you might enjoy!

Setting Boundaries in Relationships
Dating After 50

Fave Lifestyles
Karen Rae

Karen Rae

Owner, Fave Lifestyles
www.FaveLifestyles.com

about

Karen Rae

I was becoming an empty nester, a woman of a more interesting age and in transition. Sound familiar? I was at that place where we question our purpose, value, and worth and what in the world are we going to do with the rest of our lives.

I noticed women have a huge hunger to belong to a community of women where they can feel safe, share openly from their heart and have other women to do life with! This is why I created my Fave Lifestyles.

Fave is for the woman who wants to call Fave her community of women who support, uplift, and make her feel better about herself. I want to create a place where we help her answer life's questions and just do life together!

Let's Do Life Together at Fave Lifestyles

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Dealing with New Normal

Dealing with New Normal

Fave Lifestyles

How are you doing? Like you, I’m getting used to a new normal. I’m staying home
and staying as safe as possible. I’m using new technology to connect in new ways.
I’m spending time in quiet, sewing and knitting. That’s the good news. Now for
the not-so-good news.

Reflecting on my “Stay home! Stay safe!” moments, I’ve been a little surprised at
the times that have gone sideways: the Zoom calls that have been less than
wonderful, the morning I fell apart learning that nail salons were closing, my panic
buying that resulted in a case of “ferry boat” toilet paper. Yep, “ferry boat” toilet
paper that’s thinner than tissue paper with the consistency of waxed paper. Yep,
panic buying at its finest. Or not!

I’m a passionate advocate for words of loving kindness. Walk the W.O.L.K., I like
to say. Walk the words of loving kindness—for each other and for ourselves.

You heard it said (a lot!) that the coronavirus took us into uncharted waters. And
that’s because it really did. You and I had moments when we were at our finest.
There were also moments that became lessons in patience and understanding.

One shelter-in-place morning I was slipping out for my must-have iced latte and
saw the sun peeking through the clouds. It was windy and more than once, the
clouds raced in to cover the sun, only to have it shine out in another place in the
sky.

God will continue to shine in our cloudy days. He’ll continue to find ways for us to
be His light—even when we’re not at our finest. Together with Him we can;
together with Him we will.

“The Lord watches over you as you come and go, both now and forever.” Amen.
Psalm 121:8

Preview YouTube video WOLK: Say It with Flowers!

Watch Video Below and Meet Deanna!

Deanna Nowadnick

Deanna Nowadnick

Speaker | Writer | Author
www.FruitOfMySpirit.com

about

Deanna Nowadnick

Before my father died, he reminded me that Mom had asked me to write a book. At the time the boys were in college, and the notion of writing was unfathomable. Writers write books. By the time my boys were adults, I’d run out of excuses. I was also at that age when I could pause and reflect.

Fruit of My Spirit: Reframing Life in God’s Grace was my first publishing endeavor. My second was Signs in Life: Finding Direction in Our Travels with God. Both are collections of stories that tell of God’s love and faithfulness. Both tell of His remarkable grace and mercy.

When not writing, I serve as the Client Service Coordinator for The Planner’s Edge, an investment advisory firm in Washington state. I’m active in my church, serving on the Leadership Team and gathering with a wonderful group of ladies to study and giggle over lattes and chocolate. On my desk is a rock with the words “Choose Joy!” etched in it. It’s my inspiration for each day. As an author, it is my hope that my own words might share that joy we find together as children of God.

With Him, it can be so.

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It is Just Projection

It is Just Projection

Fave Lifestyles

In the 1960s Until Now
According to Google, in the 1960s, 22% of children in America grew up in poverty, and I was one of them. My mom did the best she could to provide for us as a bipolar alcoholic single mom with four children. To my mom’s credit, she always had a job. We just didn’t talk to her because she was stressed and reactive. I grew up afraid. The school was my safe place. I hoped I could think my way out of any situation. I found Jesus as an 8-year old and so I found a friend who is always with me. I found my Soul at age 50, and that is when I began to feel ‘okay’ on the inside. (Watch My Soul Power Journey.) The reason feeling okay on the inside (mentally, physically, and spiritually) is important is we are less reactive and more loving and peaceful. Even more important is that when we do not feel okay, we can own how we feel and pray and look for answers.

Taking 100% Responsibility
The first chapter of the Jack Canfield book, The Success Principles, tells us to take 100% responsibility for our emotions and reactions. No more blaming or excuses. No one can make us feel anything. When we own and learn from our inner dialogue and outer actions, we are led to the importance of becoming more forgiving and experiencing less projection.

What is Projection?
Projection is taking your internalized thoughts, beliefs, and perceptions and seeing them in others. Projection is what we do with our difficult unresolved emotions. Simply put, projection is not owning who we are. Instead, we blame others for what we do not like in ourselves. Understanding projection is an essential tool in cutting through the illusion of the story we tell ourselves.

Inner Projection as Our Shadow
Our inner projection or Shadow is projecting what we are trying to hide about ourselves. Our Shadow is whatever we tell ourselves we do not want to be. As we grow up and create our life, we focus on what works for us. We depend on the strong and positive aspects of ourselves to survive and, on a good day, thrive. Often these positive qualities have an opposite quality, which we ignore and hide because of shame and guilt. We deny the things we don’t like and spend our life keeping these things hidden. Imagine carrying a ball around for a day with the goal of not letting anyone see it. Imagine how much energy it takes each day to hide the things we do not like about ourselves or others. Actually, we cannot hide anything because who we are spills into our life one way or another.

When we deny our Shadow, it can spill into our life from the subconscious and unconscious mind in our thoughts and reactions! I have often thought, what do we do when Just Do It doesn’t work? We all do things we don’t want to do. What is driving us? Ninety-five percent of our behaviors and beliefs stem from subconscious and unconscious programming, which is inherited generationally or from events in this lifetime.

Make a List of Image Words and Find the Gift of Your Shadow
Make a list of words that reflect your successful self and are beneficial to your life. These characteristics help us to be productive and kind humans. A few of my Image Words are attractive, brave, confident, and determined.

To find the Gift of Your Shadow, use Google microphone to see the opposite characteristic, and ask ’Antonym for ___?’ For example, say ‘antonym for attractive,’ which is unattractive, the Shadow of attractive. For me, I used to only feel good about myself when I was dressed up in matching clothes, with my makeup on and hair styled. Accepting me when I am unattractive (or when I don’t get ready) frees me to feel good about myself all the time!

You can use the following formula to work through your Image and Shadow Words: ‘I am _______ (positive) which also means I am ______ (negative).

The point is to accept the Image and Shadow words as part of who you are and let go of the attachment to either. We do not need to cling to our Image words, nor do we need to hide from our Shadow words. We own all of who we are, let go and move on. We continue to Evolve toward Love of ourselves and others. Journal through the following exercise to learn the Gift of Your Shadow.

The Gift of Your Shadow
1. What do you love about yourself?
2. What is the opposite of that?
3. In what ways does this opposite serve you?
4. Honor and accept both of these characteristics of your personality. Find the Gift in each.
5. Continue to love what you love about yourself. And learn to love what you hide.
Based on The Dark Side of The Light Chasers by Debbie Ford. (thefordinstitute.com).

For example, I am open-minded. The opposite is I am close-minded. The gift of being close-minded is I am more discerning and less gullible. I am loving. The opposite is I am not loving. The gift in being not loving is I am bothered when I am not loving, which makes me look inside to see what is going on with me. And when I am bothered by being not loving, it proves how much I value being loving! I am strong. The opposite is I am weak. The gift of being weak is to acknowledge when I feel weak and rest or ask for help. I am spiritual. The opposite is I am not spiritual. The gift of being not spiritual reminds me to get my head ‘out of the clouds’ and be practical and do everyday things like dust and sweep and laundry!

“I Am That”
I am that is another tool of acceptance. When we look at others and observe the traits we do not like, and rather than judging; we can say, “I am that.” We are capable of what others do and say and visa-versa. We are all One. We share the One Story of humanity, past, present, and future. We are capable of doing and being the same as anyone else, so we no longer need to hide from or judge ourselves or each other.

We have expectations of ourselves and others. When we or they do not meet our expectations, we experience pain. We judge others as willing when we should see them as capable. We make observations all the time, and it is okay to do so. As soon as these observations become painful or hurtful, we know our observations have turned into judgments from which we are projecting our pain.

What is the story you tell yourself? Is it true? We are to question anything that comes to mind that opposes peace. Feelings are a gift. Our feelings reveal what we believe. Our feelings show us what is inside our minds and our bodies.

We can live a life of peace and experience freedom from pain. We do not need to suffer. We naturally feel pain when we are wounded. The problem is when we rehearse the wound over and over again. Wouldn’t it be better to accept the disowned part of us and let the feeling of pain flow out and away from us?

The Perfection In What Is
We can look for what is perfect in ‘what is’? We can accept the joy and the challenge of every circumstance. We can shift our perception to see the purpose. Or at least, we can trust we will someday understand the meaning and, in the meantime, live in the freedom of Acceptance and Love for ourselves and others.

Of course, if what is happening in your life is unsafe to become aware of this reality and ask for help from a family member, friend, or professional service agency. Create boundaries and be safe. You deserve better.

It Is Just Projection
Understanding it is just a projection that helps us to not take ourselves too seriously. We can be curious about our reactions and actions. We can awaken a sense of resolve that we will figure it out, in this lifetime or the next! We are all Evolving toward Love.

Let Dani be your Guide to Experience Self-Acceptance and find your Inner Truth!
Experience The Emotion Code, which is an energy healing technique that helps get rid of emotional baggage from your past and past generations. Experience RIM, which enables you to discover your Higher Truth. Experience PSYCH-K to reprogram your subconscious and unconscious mind to achieve your goals. Book a FREE Breakthrough phone call and find out about The Soul Power Experience! Go to danigreen.today.

Namaste – the Divine in Me celebrates the Divine in You!
I Love You!
~Dani

 Dani Green

Dani Green

Dani Green
The Soul Power Experience Creator
www.danigreen.today | hello@danigreen.today
425-359-4906

about

Dani Green

Dani Green is the Creator of The Soul Power Experience using motivational speaking, education and hypnotherapy. Dani also helps clients reduce stress, smoking cessation and weight release. As an Ordained Minister, Dani writes and officiates Weddings and Funerals. Dani and her husband, Kevin have three adult children and have hosted 15 international students.

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Benefits of being organized are boosters

Benefits of being organized are boosters

Fave Lifestyles
Feeling overwhelmed is exhausting and depressing. There is something hidden behind
feeling overwhelmed that needs revealing, right now! The truth is getting organized has
so many benefits that will help in getting out from under the overwhelm. One of the
great benefits is making better choices even in what we eat when being organized
surrounds us. Who knew mom was helping us make better choices in what we ate by
telling us to clean our room? And research has shown just that: Physical Order Produces
Healthy Choices, Generosity, and Conventionality, Whereas Disorder Produces Creativity.

Like the commercial says, “Wait, there are . . .” more benefits to being organized. Those
benefits won’t be found when curled up on a couch reading a book even though it feels,
that’s just one way to avoid clearing or cleaning up. Having a minimal amount of a
routine and system for keeping our home and life in order produces benefits beyond
helping our health. It is hard to imagine but picking up a pile of dirty clothes or clearing
countertop produce boosts in our energy. Being organized can relieve stress, boost energy.
And who does not want more energy? And nothing must be purchased!

Nearly every time I leave a client after working side-by-side, they later report to me they
kept working to clear after I left, their home felt so good to them. In anticipation of an
appointment it is also reported to me that energy kicks in to do some clearing. My
clients learn a system of arranging their things that makes sense to them and they want
to continue to work with the new system. The benefits of having order in their home
boosts better choices and gives them energy that translates to a more productive life.
Why would we want to deny ourselves the benefits of having order in our home in in our
daily life that amplifies productivity?

It is true it takes some effort and energy to get to the place of having order, but the
dividends are huge. Studies have shown families with more order in the home has less
stress, make better dietary choices and are more productive. Just think how cluttered
bedrooms interfere with restful restorative sleep which equates to more stress. Projects
left unfinished contribute to the induced stress. Would it be too much of a stretch to say
having order saves our
lives?

If you are convinced having more order in your home would be beneficial, would you
want to know how or where to start? Experts suggest starting with one room and have
a goal for that room. Maybe the kitchen is where you want to start. There is one helpful
resource ready for you with that at: How to Right-Size. By using the same principles for
the kitchen, the bathroom may be the place to begin. The goal is to have cleared off
countertops as much as possible for the space. Next, go through each drawer and limit
what is kept to what is used and needed every day.

Then go to the cabinet below the countertop and do the same; only keep what is used
and regularly needed. Once diapers were found in the cabinet under the sink that were
intended to be given away years ago. Time had passed and the children that used the
diapers were in junior high school! It is too easy to let the contents in drawers and
cabinets take up permanent residency. We created our own squatters living in our
homes without realizing it. Have a good laugh and remove the no longer needed items
and give them away if possible.

Let’s review the benefits of having order in our life and home: better dietary choices,
greater generosity, less stress, greater productivity, better sleep. The goal today is to
give you a boost to think about the benefits of being organized and give you some
direction to get started. The health of your entire family rests on the home having order
and having a system for maintaining it that everyone can contribute to and participate in
the regular habit of having order. Perfectionism is not the goal, that in itself induces stress, the goal if a sense of order that generates feelings of calm.

Today would be a good day to set the timer for 20 minutes to clear and let go of a few
things with no sentimental value to you as a starter exercise. You are welcome to text
me and report how that felt to you.

If you would like two free chapters of my book text me.

Elisa Hawkinson, author of Calming Your Chaos
www.elisahawkinson.com
206.915.9911
elisa@how2getorganized.com

Elisa (Lisa) Hawkinson

Elisa (Lisa) Hawkinson

Elisa Hawkinson
Professional Organizer | Author Calming Your Chaos | Leader of the Smooth Organizer Community
www.elisahawkinson.com

about

Elisa (Lisa) Hawkinson

 

 

Since 2000 Elisa (Lisa) Hawkinson, author of Calming Your Chaos, has been teaching and training businesses and individuals to support anyone who is not naturally organized on a consistent basis to be just that. Her HOW2GetOrganized seminars, workshops, and speaking along with hands-on coaching and coaching by phone has evolved from her natural genetic bent for order. Efficiency, calm, productivity and profitability are increased with the help of HOW2 and Elisa.

 

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