Secret to Having More Energy

Secret to Having More Energy

Secret to Having More Energy

Feeling tired is one of the top ten complaints I hear from my clients. When we feel tired the natural outcome is feeling there is not enough time to get what you need to get done. This becomes frustrating because most clients have goals and dreams that are kept on the back burner until they feel they have time and energy. If this resonates you’ll be happy to know that enjoying more energy which leads to being able to make the most of your time isn’t as complex as you might have thought.

First lets get on the same page regarding the stress and energy connection as shared in my book “Healing Your Life with Water – How to Use Your Mind, Body and Water Connection to Awaken Your Inner Fountain of Youth”.  The foundation of youthful vibrancy is dependent on your Mind, Body and Water connection.  Let me explain: You are born with a body that rejuvenates itself entirely every seven years. For instance your bones are brand new every three to four years. You have a new liver every six weeks (awesome right?).  The lining of your stomach is renewed every three days. So you are born with a body that wants to stay young naturally. Water is at the core of all of that rejuvenation; inhaling nutrients and exhaling toxins all at the cellular level.  Drinking enough water keeps this rejuvenating “flow” happening.  However stress can slow the flow quite literally. When we are stressed our circulation literally constricts. Think of a hose that is bent making it hard for water to get through.  When we are stressed all of that beautiful rejuvenating flow is s-l-o-w-e-d down.  When the circulatory system gets constricted because of stress it affects everything. There is a lot of science behind it however If you have experienced exhaustion after going through a stressful situation you have felt the stress/energy connection first hand.

BIGGEST CULPRIT – RELATIONSHIPS

Pat Swan, M.S., CMFT, a marriage and family therapist, states, “More than 90 percent of my clients suffering from depression, anxiety or other mental illnesses have one primary complaint—relationship problems at work or at home.  If stress and fear constricts our circulation and slows our rejuvenation – and our relationships cause the bulk of that stress—the most logical thing to do in youthful vitality is to create peaceful relationships.

In 1977 Dr. John Knowles, President of the Rockefeller Foundation, wrote in DAEDALUS, (Winter, 1977): “80% of serious illnesses seem to develop when the individual feels helpless or hopeless.”

In my experience our relationships can leave us feeling helpless. People have a habit of NOT doing, saying or acting in a way that we feel would make us happiest.  Trying to get someone to change – even for their own good – can be a frustrating task.  When we stop and think about how hugely difficult is to bring about healthy change in our own lives we can get an idea of how impossible it is to change someone else.

BEST PRACTICES FOR ENERGIZING RELATIONSHIP

The way to turn any relationship into an energy booster instead of an energy zapper is to feel empowered within it.  Feelings of empowerment and confidence are the opposite of feelings of helplessness. Biologically speaking feeling empowered and confident actually creates a relaxed response which “opens up your rejuvenating flow”. In other words it increases circulation.

But you may be thinking that all sounds nice but “how in the heck can I suddenly feel empowered instead of frustrated when I have no control over what someone else does?” Believe me, I get it!!  I’ve been there before. The good news is that feeling empowered in our relationships has nothing to do with what others say and do.  I’ll share a story to illustrate what I mean. A man, let’s call him George, is driving down the highway during the holidays and is unceremoniously cut off by a car with a Christmas tree tied to the roof.  George is immediately hot under the collar and speeds up to give the driver a piece of his mind. As he gets closer his focus is entirely on the car and its occupants…he peers in the window and notices the message scrawled on the back window “Welcome home from Iraq Daddy.”  Immediately George feels a surge of compassion and slows to allow plenty of room for the veteran and his family. Can you see that the situation was the same. The only thing that changed was how he SAW the situation and his emotions followed suit.  Compassion is a VERY rejuvenating emotion.

I will share a few exercises that will help you find a way to access a new level of compassion with those challenging relationships. We hold the power to transform our relationships by taking full responsibility or our reactions and how we feel. How we feel affects every aspect of our emotional, spiritual and physical health. You hold all of the cards.

TOOLS TO ENERGIZE

Search your mind for a moment and find a challenging relationship to work with.  Asking the following questions may help you narrow it down.

Who do I wish I could get along better with? Who do I wish treated me better? Who frustrates or angers me the most? 

When you have chosen a relationship to work on the next step is to assess how strongly you feel about it. Ask yourself “On a scale of 1-10 how much does it bother me that things aren’t the way I would like it to be. On the scale one means you are completely relaxed about it and ten means you are losing sleep over it.

Now use the same scale to measure your energy level as you are thinking about this relationship

The goal is to “lighten up” how you feel about the situation. Lighter emotions give us energy – heavy emotions slow us down. Again you are not trying to change anyone else’s behavior. Try the following exercises to help change your perspective.

  1. GRATITUDE EXERCISE: Find something to be grateful for in the situation. This can be enough to lighten up your perception internally. Remember your are offering your brain some positive feedback to hang onto so it can replace the painful thoughts that you hold currently. For instance I had a rough first marriage and carried a grudge and some painful memories which I held onto tightly…almost as a consolation prize. I knew that I had to change up the heavy feelings I carried for my own health. It was difficult however after some soul searching I decided that my three children were a blessing that came from that marriage so I wrote and repeated; “I am grateful for my marriage because it gave me three beautiful children.” This was enough to lighten up how I felt. When you complete this exercise measure the intensity of how you feel once again. Then re-measure your energy level.
  2. Quantum Confidence Technique: This exercise is derived from a method I developed.

Think of your troubling relationship and measure how much it bothers you on a scale 1-10 as before. Then measure your energy level as you are thinking about it.

Repeat the following phrase aloud.

Even though this really bothers me I am open to relaxing about it

Even though this really bothers me I am open to relaxing about it

Even though this really bothers me I am open to relaxing about it

And I am open to feeling empowered to move forward freely in a w ay that feels good and comfortable.

And I am open to new ideas to do this.

I am open to feeling bothered and empowered at the same time

When you complete this exercise measure the intensity of how you feel once again. Then re-measure your energy level.

If you feel lighter great. If you feel as strong or stronger repeat the mantra again only this time after you repeat the first line three times say this:

“Even though I WANT to feel this way.

That doesn’t make any sense but I’ve been feeling this way for awhile

so MAYBE there is a tiny part of me that WANTS to feel this way.

But that’s ok

I’m open to relaxing about it anyway”

Then continue along with the rest of it.

Think of your troubling relationship and measure how much it bothers you on a scale 1-10 as before. Then measure your energy level as you are thinking about it.

If you are feeling lighter congratulations. Keep these tools handy to help you lighten up with your relationships at work or home.

Good luck and good health.

Visit www.dianaeruiz.com for transforming life, health and business from the inside out.

Diana E. Ruiz, M.A

Diana E. Ruiz, M.A

Grief Recovery Method® Specialist
www.DianaERuiz.com

about

Diana E. Ruiz, M.A.

Diana E. Ruiz MA helps women entrepreneurs resolve deep losses in life and relationships through practical steps so they can feel good in their skin again and experience their true brilliance in life and business. “The work Diana does is personally freeing and liberating…the added bonus? I am on fire in my business!” Rae Anne Hall – CEO Forward Principles – Diana is an Author, Grief Recovery Method Specialist®, Emotional Freedom Technique Practitioner

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Cleaning up the Emotional Moldy Oldies of our Minds

Cleaning up the Emotional Moldy Oldies of our Minds

Cleaning up the Emotional Moldy Oldies of our Minds

Our thought-life can be like a radio station that repeats the same tunes over and over, and when we have a hurtful or painful experience, it can cause us to ruminate or think of the past situation again and again, like a broken record. Have you ever had a disagreement with someone and after it was over you couldn’t get all the things you “should” have said out of your mind? I call this group of recycled stressful thoughts and the emotions they create “Moldy Oldies.” Moldy Oldies are different than those songs we remember that make us smile—they are painfully powerful. When these thoughts are directed toward ourselves they can actually cause depression and when they are directed toward another, can cause anger. These types of thoughts have been linked with general anxiety, post-traumatic stress, binge drinking, eating disorders, and self-injurious behavior and depression. Paying attention to what we are thinking about is critical to our health and happiness.

Our thoughts tend to travel in groups that center around a memory of a bad situation, in essence forming the “lyrics” to the Moldy Oldie. It becomes part of the landscape of our minds and pretty soon, that song is stuck in our head – stuck in our subconscious mind. A nasty little habit of our subconscious mind is it wants to hang on to painful events and emotions relentlessly in an effort to help us avoid similar pain in the future.

A client of mine had a favorite song that reminded her of her partner – the love of her life. It was their song. Eventually, the two had a bitter break-up, and that song became a reminder of anger and resentment.  A few years passed by and she soon found someone new. She was in the middle of a date with him one evening when this old song played through the sound system at their favorite restaurant. She hadn’t heard it for a very long time but that didn’t matter – out of nowhere she began to cry uncontrollably.  She and I worked together on all of the old “triggers” associated with their relationship and within a few sessions she no longer felt the old twinge. Each one of the reminders became a non issue.  She was freed up to move forward in her personal life in a way that felt good. No more outbursts!

Letting go of a Moldy Oldies

You try it.  Think of something that bothers you from an old relationship. Maybe seeing or thinking of that person with someone new, or maybe there is a memory makes you cringe for whatever reason. Maybe it is a thought of wishing it were like it used to be or wondering how you tolerated mistreatment for so long. All of these types of thoughts/emotions can leave us feeling heavy and in the past. We want to be present. The present moment is where ALL the magic happens in life.

Take the following steps to free yourself from Moldy Oldies.

Stop what you are doing. Making a moment creates a space for something new to happen. 

Acknowledge how you are feeling. Most times we barrel ahead in life because thinking about it hurts too much.  A funny thing happens when we do this. Our emotions get louder, they need our attention. They are trying to tell us something hurts, something is wrong. Take a moment and honor how you feel. Listen to yourself. Name the emotion. Be gentle.

Breathe in deeply a few times. This helps create a relaxation response.

Repeat “I am open to relaxing about it” three times.  Offering something as simple as this mantra helps your brain associate something positive with the old uncomfortable or painful thought.  Studies show that your brain will hang onto a positive thought if it is offered. In some instances this may be the very first time you have offered a new supportive idea into the playback tape of your mind in this area.  Words and emotions are very tightly knit and you’ll find that offering this mantra will introduce a lighter emotion as well.

Try it a few times and if you are persistent you will be able to update your Moldy Oldy with a newer cooler emotional tune. You’ll know you’ve been successful if you feel better about it or better yet if you wonder why you were so upset about it in the first place.

Your body enjoys lighter emotional fare. Feeling emotionally lighter increases circulation, metabolism, energy and youthful vitality so don’t stop there choose another. It’s important to have a something simple to use in the spur of the moment. Going through this process will help you commit it to memory. You are worth it!

Reducing stress from old relationships is one of the most important things you can do for your health and business. It’s never too soon to heal your heart.

Diana E. Ruiz, M.A.

Diana E. Ruiz, M.A.

Grief Recovery Method® Specialist
www.DianaERuiz.com

about

Diana E. Ruiz, M.A.

Diana E. Ruiz MA helps women entrepreneurs resolve deep losses in life and relationships through practical steps so they can feel good in their skin again and experience their true brilliance in life and business. “The work Diana does is personally freeing and liberating…the added bonus? I am on fire in my business!” Rae Anne Hall – CEO Forward Principles – Diana is an Author, Grief Recovery Method Specialist®, Emotional Freedom Technique Practitioner

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Divorce Grief; Your Unique Healing Process

Divorce Grief; Your Unique Healing Process

“Time heals all wounds.” “Keep your chin up.” “You’re better off without your ex anyway.” These are common clichés that caring friends and family members can offer without realizing that the complex grieving process after a divorce cannot be attained by hearing such simplified sentiments. Grief is hard, messy and very personal. It is a process that requires active participation on your part to come to terms with your feelings about your divorce, and your ex-spouse. Here are some things to consider as you move through the grief process. (These tips are relevant for any relationship that has ended.)

Give yourself a break. 

You are allowed to feel sad, angry, confused, or any other emotion that pops up post-divorce. There is no right or wrong. Honor how you feel throughout the process. Others may have your best interest in mind by saying “just get over it” but just know that the grieving process occurs on YOUR timeline. There are no time limits. You are unique. Factors such as; how it happened and why, how bad the marriage got before the divorce happened, and children among many others determine your individual process. Give yourself permission and time to feel deeply.

Moving Forward 

Before real healing can truly happen, you have to come to terms with the fact that that your marriage is over. If you are the one who initiated the divorce, you may be far past this point, however your new path brings its own challenges that can create fear and emotional discomfort. If your ex was the one who wanted the divorce this may be a sticking point effecting your moving on.  Divorce is a devastating life event, and not one that anyone would choose or create for themselves if it could be avoided. One thing you do have control over is the ability to accept responsibility for choosing to move forward.

Learning to let go of anger.

Anger can often be a feeling associated with a divorce and the end of a relationship. In the cases of infidelity, excessive spending, substance abuse, or dishonesty this could be magnified. Forgiveness is essential to moving forward.  Hanging onto anger not only clouds clear thinking, the unresolved stress associated with it can lead to behaviors to relieve the uncomfortable feeling – excess drinking, smoking, emotional eating and sleeplessness.  Stressful emotions such as anger can also sap the precious vital energy needed to maintain your health and forward motion in your business and relationships. 

NOTE: If you are feeling a bit of resistance to the idea of forgiveness this is normal.  Just know that forgiving someone does not mean that you condone the behavior that caused the hurt; it means you understand that resolving anger is good for your peace of mind, your body and spirit. You can’t control what anyone else says or does however you have complete control over how you feel about these events in your life.  It may not seem easy at the moment however there are tools that make it easier to accomplish this and return to emotional balance quicker.

You may be angry at yourself as well. This is normal too. If you are spending time rehashing what you “could’ve, would’ve, should’ve” done this is a sure sign that there is a need to gently forgive yourself. This is a time of life to extend compassion to yourself.

The weight of sad and painful feelings.

Divorce causes emotions and it may feel as though they will never subside. You may feel like you don’t want to leave your house or get out of bed. You might even feel like you are carrying a heavy weight around. All too quickly these emotions can become part of your “norm” and swept away in the midst of busy days.  It is important to acknowledge and release them.  The hidden and unresolved longterm stress from grief can add up over time and create emotional and physical issues. Common perception is that these feelings are something to just wait out, and eventually they will go away. The truth is that learning tools and techniques to identify the specific events and memories that we are unfinished with will help us work on resolving the sadness and pain of the divorce.

Working towards feeling better.

While there is no set timeline on which the grieving process must occur, you can set a goal of reaching a place where you have found a sense of resolution with your divorce and the circumstances surrounding it. Visualize what this will look like for you. Set a goal of crafting a vibrant, fulfilling post-divorce life, and actively work towards reaching that.

Are you struggling with **divorce grief? We can help guide and educate you as you work towards healing. 

**http://www.dianaeruiz.com/

Diana E. Ruiz

Diana E. Ruiz

Grief Recovery Method® Specialist
www.DianaERuiz.com

about

Diana E. Ruiz, M.A.

Diana E. Ruiz MA helps women entrepreneurs resolve deep losses in life and relationships through practical steps so they can feel good in their skin again and experience their true brilliance in life and business. “The work Diana does is personally freeing and liberating…the added bonus? I am on fire in my business!” Rae Anne Hall – CEO Forward Principles – Diana is an Author, Grief Recovery Method Specialist®, Emotional Freedom Technique Practitioner

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