Have you set good boundaries in your life?

Have you set good boundaries in your life?

Have you set good boundaries in your life?

How To Set Boundaries In Your Relationships?

As women, setting boundaries in relationships may not come easy. We’re often used to doing all, being all and giving all to others, and at the risk of losing ourselves in the process.

That leads to a drain on our emotions and our energy and hinders the development of quality relationships. Here are a few tips on how to set healthy boundaries in your relationships. 

Why Set Boundaries In Your Relationships?

Healthy relationships of any kind have boundaries. A healthy relationship boundary is a line where you end, and the other person sort of begins. Without those boundaries being clearly defined, the people in the relationship may be confused and suffer from emotional distress.

Setting boundaries in relationships with friends and family show a commitment to mutual respect for feelings and opinions. Healthy relationship boundaries set expectations for how you want to be treated, and how you’ll treat the other person in the relationship. Whether it’s with your partner/spouse, your children, your friends or your coworkers, relationship boundaries protect you and also allow you to have deep, meaningful connection with the other person. 

How To Set Healthy Boundaries In Your Relationships?

  1. Know Your Needs.

Your needs in a relationship matter, but you can’t expect someone to know them or understand them if you don’t know and understand them yourself. Be self-aware and know your likes and dislikes. Know what things you want from your relationships and what you don’t want and won’t tolerate. Plan on how you want to be treated, and how you’ll treat the other person within the relationship.

To be fully aware of what your needs are in the relationship, you first need to know and love yourself. Author and Forgiveness Coach Brenda Reiss shares a very enlightening exercise to develop self-love from her article Love The One Your With

Each day take 3 minutes and look into your eyes in the mirror.  Set your timer on your phone. You want to take the full 3 minutes.

  • Look into your eyes
  • What feelings arise?
  • Do you want to look away?  Do you look away?  Does it feel intense?
  • What are the thoughts that arise?  Does it sound like “this is stupid”, “of course I love myself.  I don’t need to do this”.
  • Stay there a little longer
  • Does your mind start to calm down?
  • How about those feelings?  Is there sadness, grief, joy, peace, calm?

Practice this every day for 7 days and see how you feel.  I encourage you to keep going until you can look at yourself and feel peace, even love.

Have you set good boundaries in your life?
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  1. Communicate Your Needs. 

Again, you can’t expect others to understand your needs in a relationship if they’re not aware of them. When you’re setting up boundaries in relationships, it’s vital that you communicate those needs to the other person/people. You can’t expect people to read your mind, and you need to be clear and direct about your needs and expectations. Most of the boundary-crossing that happens in relationships is because one person was not clear and direct about their needs and their boundaries. Communication is key!

  1. Manage Expectations.

Just as it’s important for you to communicate your needs, it’s vital for you to manage the expectations of the other people in your relationships. An important part of setting up boundaries in relationships is managing the expectations of others. This means you’ll have to ask them about their expectations and needs, and you’ll have to decide if they’re ones you find acceptable and with which you can work. If you feel a family member is taking advantage of your kindness or generosity, talk to them about what they expect from you and whether or not you can meet their need. Managing the expectations of others is the best way to respect the boundaries of any relationship, and to help ensure that your relationship boundaries are not breached either. 

  1. Know Your Limits

It’s often ingrained upon us that we give, give, give even if that means that we give all of ourselves and leave nothing. You don’t have to be the super woman of your relationships. They should be about give and take, and if you’re doing way more of the giving than you are of the taking, it’s okay for you to set boundary lines for how much you’re comfortable giving. It’s easy to burn out of relationships in which the boundaries are too often crossed, but if you know your limits and are ready to exercise them, this will happen far less. 

We sometimes feel like setting up boundaries in relationships sounds harsh, but that couldn’t be less true. Healthy relationships need boundaries in order for all the involved parties to thrive. Consider setting up boundaries in relationships an investment in yourself and others, as doing so allows you to enjoy your relationships to the fullest. 

Some of the most rewarding relationships if our lives are the ones we have with our children. Creating relationships with your children as adults can be challenging, but when navigated and cultivated they can be better than you could have hoped 

According to the AARP, divorce rates have nearly doubled since the 1990s. This means that more women are finding themselves in different roles in mid-life. Additionally, this can change the dynamics of their relationships with their adult children as often it feels like there are ‘sides’ and everyone has to choose one.

Even if you’re not widowed or divorced, you may find that the relationships you have with your adult children are not as fulfilling as you hoped they might be. Creating new relationships with your adult children takes work, and we’ve got a few tips on how to rejuvenate those family bonds.

They’re Not Kids Anymore

It’s often said that getting older is not for sissies! Truer words have never been spoken. As we get older, we may find it difficult to view our adult children as adults. We still see them as the adorable little girls and boys with milk mustaches and silly Halloween costumes. While the years may pass quickly, letting go gets harder and harder.

Whether you find you need to create new relationships with your adult children because of the death of/divorce from your partner, or you simply need to get used to the idea that they’re not kids anymore, it takes work. The most important thing you can do is recognize this and then move into action to create new relationships with your children.

Divorce and Death Add New Dimensions

When you and your partner divorce, or your partner dies, the relationship with your adult children changes. You might experience anger from your adult children, as they’re not sure why the divorce happened. Or, they may be angry if they find out you just stayed in the marriage ‘for their sake,’ because they’ll feel like so much of their life wasn’t what they thought it was. 

Or, if you’re in a different dynamic with your children because your spouse or partner has died, you may find that they immediately want to take the reins and begin ‘parenting’ you. This can be endearing at first, but frustrating as you’re still capable of taking care of yourself.

In these cases, the most important thing you can do is communicate with your adult children. Let them know that you understand their feelings, and you want to validate them. Let them know that you won’t speak badly about their other parent, nor will you lean too heavily on them in the event of the death of their other parent, as you know they’re grieving too. Communication is key when establishing new relationships with your adult children.

Grow Together!

While divorce and death do uniquely affect your relationships with your adult children, simply the nature of their growing up and becoming adults makes it imperative you create new relationships with them.

You have to learn to let go of wanting to parent each step they take, and you have to learn to hold back when they’re finding their footing in this world they’re navigating. Even if you’re not divorced, or your partner hasn’t died, your relationships with your children will change because you are all adults doing adult things. Remember that now, as the mother to adult children, your advice is just that—advice. They’re no longer expected to take it simply because you say so, and so a little trusting encouragement goes a long way.

Recognize that instead of losing the little ones they were, you’ve now been given these amazing adults to bond with and grow with. Embrace the new relationships by allowing them to grow organically. Life changes whether are ready or not and creating new relationships with our adult children is one of the privileges that comes with change. Embrace them and bloom with them; who better to do so with than the amazing children you raised?

Whether it is your adult children, or any other relationships in your life, having boundaries is the way to create healthy bonds. Boundaries allow you to get what you need from your relationships and it sets the other person in the relationship up for success. If the other person has no idea of your wants and needs, they will constantly disappoint and be left feeling that they are failing you time and time again. So, while you might feel that setting boundaries is harsh, impolite or even mean it is actually one of the kindest things you can do for your friends, spouse and children. We all want to show up in our relationships in the best possible way and boundaries allows that to happen with ease. 

 

Karen Rae

Karen Rae

Owner, Fave Lifestyles
www.FaveLifestyles.com

about

Karen Rae

I was becoming an empty nester, a woman of a more interesting age and in transition. Sound familiar? I was at that place where we question our purpose, value, and worth and what in the world are we going to do with the rest of our lives.

I noticed women have a huge hunger to belong to a community of women where they can feel safe, share openly from their heart and have other women to do life with! This is why I created my Fave Lifestyles.

Fave is for the woman who wants to call Fave her community of women who support, uplift, and make her feel better about herself. I want to create a place where we help her answer life's questions and just do life together!

Let's Do Life Together at Fave Lifestyles

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How To Get Out Of Your Comfort Zone

How To Get Out Of Your Comfort Zone

Fave Lifestyles

We are bombarded by messages, quotes and inspiration to get out of our comfort zones. It can
often seem like a cliché trope, but there is some value to the idea of stretching ourselves to new
things. Getting out of your comfort zone means you’re opening yourself up to so many new
opportunities, friendships and adventures. It is good for your personal development and it’s good
for your brain too! So, want to know how to get out of your comfort zone and into new journeys
ahead? Read on!

Change Isn’t Easy

Let’s be real. Women tend to be creatures of habit, and especially at this stage of our lives. We
know who we are and we like our routines. Often, we’re not really even interested in the work
that goes along with changing things up.

While change may not be easy, it’s often the hard things in life we find so rewarding! Childbirth?
Not easy! But so worth it! Career building? A lot of work, but so much accomplishment.
Relationships that nourish your soul? They take time, effort, and investment but they pay off in
dividends. No, change may not be easy, and getting out of your comfort zone may be tough
initially, but it’s so worth it in the end!

Getting Out Of Our Comfort Zone Keeps Our Brains Moving

Our brains need exercise! When we push ourselves to get out of the routine, we’re stimulating
our gray matter and keeping it active and healthy. Growing gray matter comes in the form of new
experiences and adventures, and researchers believe shaking our routines up can be helpful to
keep dementia away. Pushing ourselves to get out of our comfort zones and do something
mentally challenging and unfamiliar may be scary at first, but our brains will actually reward us
for doing so with neural connectivity and healthy gray matter!

How To Get Out Of Your Comfort Zone

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I Want To Take The Jump! How Do I Get Out Of My Comfort Zone?

So, you know it’s good for your brain and body to try new things, but you’re not sure how to get
out of your comfort zone and how to push yourself. The good news is that you can start small!
It’s often exhilarating to dive right into something new and adventurous but you can make little
changes like shaking up your morning routine (take a walk with a friend, join the local gym, find
a hobby club, etc.) to start small.

Sometimes, something as small as changing the day you go to the grocery store or watching a
different television show may be all you need to get motivated to do more. Start small and build
yourself to bigger routine changes. As you learn that change isn’t always a terrible thing, you’ll
find you may actually seek more out.

Getting out of your comfort zone will force you to open yourself up to new ideas, people and
adventures. This means you’ll be able to handle more of the change’s life may throw at you in
upcoming days, and you’ll find that life doesn’t have to be lived just one way. You may make
new friends who may then encourage you to make the big routine changes, say a big trip to
another country or a move to a different state you’ve always wanted to live in. The resilience
you’ve gained in making small routine changes will be a great foundation.

Yes, change is hard sometimes, but change is where we grow. Take some steps to step out of your
comfort zone and see where the road takes you!

Fave Lifestyles
Karen Rae

Karen Rae

Owner, Fave Lifestyles
www.FaveLifestyles.com

about

Karen Rae

I was becoming an empty nester, a woman of a more interesting age and in transition. Sound familiar? I was at that place where we question our purpose, value, and worth and what in the world are we going to do with the rest of our lives.

I noticed women have a huge hunger to belong to a community of women where they can feel safe, share openly from their heart and have other women to do life with! This is why I created my Fave Lifestyles.

Fave is for the woman who wants to call Fave her community of women who support, uplift, and make her feel better about herself. I want to create a place where we help her answer life's questions and just do life together!

Let's Do Life Together at Fave Lifestyles

Join Our Community of Amazing Women

Be the first to know about upcoming events, new shows and stories!

How To Navigate Online Dating

How To Navigate Online Dating

Fave Lifestyles

Just because we’re women of a certain age, that doesn’t mean that online dating is out of our league. Quite the contrary, online dating is a great way to find companionship, friendship, and lifetime loves. Here are some tips on how to navigate online dating.

How You Got Here Doesn’t Matter; It’s Where You’re Going That Counts!

You may have been divorced recently or just waiting for the right person. Maybe you’re widowed and don’t want to spend the rest of your long life alone. However, you got to this point—where you’re navigating dating—it doesn’t matter. What matters is how you proceed from here. The most important thing is to remember that online dating doesn’t have to be scary. Just make sure you have an open mind, basic goals you want to achieve when looking for potential partners and a basic familiarity with the Internet and websites. Then get ready to leave your baggage behind follow all the online dating etiquette and get on a new road to a new adventure.

Be Sure You’re In The Right Place

There are TONS of different online websites, but the reality is…they’re not all for you. Nor are they where you’ll want to find potential partners. Don’t mess with Tindr or Bumble. They’re not who you’re looking for and they take way too much work to weed through the mess of fake profiles and immaturity. Instead, consider sites like eHarmony, Match.com and EliteSingles. We also like over-50 sites like Stitch.net and OurTime.com. These sites are more probable for you to find like-minded potential partners, and isn’t that the goal in the first place?

Be Honest.

You don’t want someone puffing themselves up only for you to be disappointed, and no one wants that from you. Of course, put your best foot forward. Choose a photo that you love, but don’t pretend to be something you are not. There are many people who will add online filters, and camera tricks to look younger, tanner, or fitter. Why start a potential relationship on a note of dishonesty? The best way to navigate online dating is to be honest and open about who you
are and what it is that you’re looking for.

Prioritize Safety

This is one of the most significant dating tips for women! Remember, your  your safety has to be a priority. Period. When you’ve gotten to the point you believe it’s time to meet someone, make sure you do so safely. ALWAYS meet in a public place for the first several dates, and ALWAYS let someone else know your exact plans. For the first date, consider something casual so there’s not a lot of pressure. Always drive yourself (or have someone drive you) so you’re not dependent upon anyone to get you home. If someone you’re interested in doesn’t see the need to prioritize your safety, they’re not your person. Period.

Set Boundaries

Listen, we know that online dating can be…well, a bit addictive and lead to obsessive checking of texts, emails and more. It’s kind of kin to playing the slots every time you get on your site, and there’s a reason that gambling can be addictive. So, set boundaries. Give yourself times that you’ll check messages, review profiles, respond, seek, etc. Live your life outside of focusing on online dating, and enjoy the process. Boundaries protect you from losing your mind and help you weed out what you’re really looking for.

Figuring out how to navigate online dating can make you feel overwhelmed, but it doesn’t have to feel that way. Now that you know how to date online, just remember there’s no pressure for anything to happen, and you just might find you’ll enjoy online dating even more than you did the in-person social scenes back in the day!

Here are a couple of more articles from Fave about dating and relationships that you might enjoy!

Setting Boundaries in Relationships
Dating After 50

Fave Lifestyles
Karen Rae

Karen Rae

Owner, Fave Lifestyles
www.FaveLifestyles.com

about

Karen Rae

I was becoming an empty nester, a woman of a more interesting age and in transition. Sound familiar? I was at that place where we question our purpose, value, and worth and what in the world are we going to do with the rest of our lives.

I noticed women have a huge hunger to belong to a community of women where they can feel safe, share openly from their heart and have other women to do life with! This is why I created my Fave Lifestyles.

Fave is for the woman who wants to call Fave her community of women who support, uplift, and make her feel better about herself. I want to create a place where we help her answer life's questions and just do life together!

Let's Do Life Together at Fave Lifestyles

Join Our Community of Amazing Women

Be the first to know about upcoming events, new shows and stories!

How To Stay Safe When Online Dating

How To Stay Safe When Online Dating

Fave Lifestyles

You’ve decided you’re going to take the plunge and hit the online dating scene. Good for you!
Before you dive in, make sure you are aware of how to stay safe when online dating.

The rules of online dating are pretty variable, but one thing never changes, you need to make
sure you are safe. Online dating is a multi-billion-dollar industry, and different sites have
different levels of verification of users. Although the majority of people using these platforms
are doing so with the same goal as you, there are also those who seek to take advantage of others.
So, when it comes to how to stay safe when online dating, here are our best tips.

Do A Little Research

No, we’re not encouraging you to become a stalker and troll your potential date’s social media
platforms but do a little research. Look for additional information and pictures with a quick
Google search. The more you know, the better. Use the Google “Search by Image” feature when
you’re looking at Facebook profiles so you can make sure that you’re not dealing with fake
accounts.

Consider Video Chatting First

You’re already looking for potential dates online, consider video conversations before real-life
meetups for your own safety. Use Google Hangouts, Facetime, Facebook, or even Zoom and talk
person-to-person—just from the security of your OWN home. This can help prevent you from
being scammed, and can also give you good info about whether you’re interested in future dates
or not. Also, consider using a free Google Voice phone number. Doing so means you don’t have
to give any of your personal info out, but you can still check calls, messages, and voicemails. You
can also block those sketchy people and save your personal number for those truly vetted people.

If you’re not up for video chatting, consider a phone call. You can tell a lot about a person by
talking to them and hearing their inflection—things you just can’t always convey well in a text
message or emails. Plus, you can get to know them better before risking the real-life interface.

Be Direct

You’re meeting a stranger for the first time; don’t be scared to stand up for yourself! This is a
two-way street; if someone is legitimately interested in you, then it’s your right and in your best
interest to ask anything and everything that makes you feel safe. If someone has an issue with
proving themselves to be who they say you are then maybe they’re not the right person for you.
You want someone who understands your need for safety is essential and they’re happy to make
sure you feel that way.

Meet In Public, Drive Yourself

ALWAYS meet in a public area for the first couple of dates. Meet where there are lots of people
around and where you have a way out if you feel uncomfortable. The last thing you want is to be
stuck. Be responsible for your own transportation for the first couple of dates. Chivalry doesn’t
have to die, but just let it be on hold for a bit until you know you’re in good hands. Plus, you
don’t want someone having your personal address right off the bat either!

Share Your Plans

This is important. Tell your children, your girlfriend, your pastor…anyone. Just make sure that
someone else knows your exact plans and whereabouts. You’ll feel better knowing someone has
your back.

Keep Your Personal Info Private

Again, don’t give out significant details like your address, your phone number, your workplace,
etc. upfront. It’s wise to be careful with your birthday, your family members’ residences, and any
other personal details. Just remember to go slowly and share that info as you know more about
the person.

Watch Your Alcohol Consumption

Yes, it’s nice to have a glass of wine online, but…stay sober. DEFINITELY stay sober when
you’re meeting up, but even when you’re just vetting and chatting online. You want to have full
faculties as you’re figuring out if you wish to spend more time with this person!

Carry Protection

We know that sounds dramatic, but…better to be safe than sorry. Consider pepper spray when
meeting up with someone you’ve found online, just to be safe.

When you’re dating online, the most important thing to remember is to listen to your gut. If it
tells you this may be too good to be true? Remember guts don’t usually lie. Guard yourself well
initially, and as you do, you’ll find the right ones to show themselves to be those you can trust and
explore a deeper and more meaningful relationship.

Fave Lifestyles
Karen Rae

Karen Rae

Owner, Fave Lifestyles
www.FaveLifestyles.com

about

Karen Rae

I was becoming an empty nester, a woman of a more interesting age and in transition. Sound familiar? I was at that place where we question our purpose, value, and worth and what in the world are we going to do with the rest of our lives.

I noticed women have a huge hunger to belong to a community of women where they can feel safe, share openly from their heart and have other women to do life with! This is why I created my Fave Lifestyles.

Fave is for the woman who wants to call Fave her community of women who support, uplift, and make her feel better about herself. I want to create a place where we help her answer life's questions and just do life together!

Let's Do Life Together at Fave Lifestyles

Join Our Community of Amazing Women

Be the first to know about upcoming events, new shows and stories!

Packing Tips for International Travel with Cindy White

Packing Tips for International Travel with Cindy White

Fave Lifestyles with Cindy White Packing Tips for International Travel

Cindy White gives us some tips for how to pack when traveling internationally. From outlet converters to maximizing your wardrobe, her advice will have you ready to jet off in no time!

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