Sometimes in life, without realizing it, we fall into the trap of thinking we have no options, no choices in a situation. We feel like something has happened to us and we have no power over it. We feel that we are a victim of its circumstances. We believe that we have no choice but to be negatively affected by it. We are convinced that we are doomed to let it overpower us forever.
Yes, there are times when unexpected, horrendous things do happen to us. It may have truly been through no fault of our own. We could not have seen it coming. We did not do anything to cause it. It may have happened to us as a child, or we were in a circumstance, at the time that we could not remove ourselves from. Tragically, most women have found themselves in these situations. Traumatic events can take a lifetime to overcome. Operating from a place of choices, options, and power can help us heal more thoroughly.
How we choose to react to a situation is the most powerful tool we have. The outcome can be completely different if we choose to react with our power in mind. Notice I said choose. This is where we may again fall into the trap of thinking we have no choice about how we react to a horrendous situation. Even if we reacted negatively, to begin with, we have the option of adjusting our reaction and thinking positively and powerfully, once we realize we are holding ourselves back.
It is so important to know that we have personal power in any situation. Sometimes it takes searching for that power and enlisting the help of someone else to help us find it. Having no power at the time of the incident doesn’t mean that we have no choice about how we handle the outcome later. It doesn’t mean that we have no choice about how to react to it when we realize it doesn’t have to overpower us forever. It doesn’t mean that we have no way to find our power to move forward and to heal.
At times, it may seem like the options we have are slim or that we have to choose between the lesser of two evils, or that all the options we have stink. Yes, sometimes all the options seem not worth choosing and that can make us feel stuck and powerless. Often, we are just too close to the situation and it takes someone else to help us think outside of the box and see clearly. Having someone who can help us think of all the options is gold! In the end, after weighing all the options, it is our choice, and there is huge personal power in that!
So, how do we know if we are stuck in this mode of not seeing our choices? It’s tricky because sometimes we have been operating this way our entire life and we are not aware of it. This kind of thinking can be generational. Something passed down from grandmother to mother to daughter, without knowing it. It can be very difficult to identify if this has been the case.
Here are a few questions we can ask ourselves to “check-in” and see if we are stuck in no-option mode:
- Am I still blaming someone for a circumstance long after that situation has long passed? Am I describing the situation in a way that says I still blame someone for it? This can be difficult if a situation was caused by someone else and was not our fault. However, we should eventually be able to gain perspective and describe the situation differently, if we are open to our options for healing and recovering.
- Am I convinced that bad things just always happen to me? Am I expecting bad things to keep happening to me? This perspective can become debilitating because our thoughts are truly powerful. This is a tough perspective that takes some work to overcome and usually takes someone else to help us see it.
- Am I taking things personally all the time, considering people’s words and actions as a personal affront to me? Even taking people’s reactions as a personal attack on me? It is so important to learn that the way people react says everything about them and nothing about us.
I have touched on just a few aspects of no-options thinking. It is a deep topic and can take some real work to overcome. Getting help is key. As a certified women’s empowerment coach, I have the tools to help you overcome no-option thinking. Reach out to me at the link below to schedule a call with me. Let’s talk to see if we are a good fit for working together to banish this thinking for good and help you find your power! Vision Power Coaching Discovery Call.
Certified Women's Empowerment Coach
Kim is a certified Women's Empowerment Coach. She founded Vision PowerCoaching because, while working her corporate job, she discovered that the extra chair in her office cubicle was often filled with someone who needed to talk about their life. She loved listening to them and found that she often had an intuition about how to help them.
She is passionate about guiding women through some of life's toughest challenges, relating to divorce, health and family. She helps them to stop feeling overwhelmed with negativity and create a plan to find their personal power, strength and confidence in painful and difficult situations.
Kim teaches women to feel empowered and to come out on the other side of their challenge with gratitude and clarity!