Do You Love Your Mirror?

Do You Love Your Mirror?

The simple act of looking in the mirror is something we do everyday. The last thing you see before you go off to work, into a meeting, before bedtime or out for a walk. Do you love what you see when you look in the mirror? What we think and feel about ourselves in that moment is often overlooked because we are so busy, however it is one of the most impactful acts for our health. The strong emotions we have about our body and ourselves is with us 24/7.  If we are enthralled about how we look this is good news however if we feel discouraged, disgusted, or embarrassed among other things. As I mentioned in my last article Cleaning Up the Moldy Oldies of Our Emotional Minds these repeating downer thoughts can cause many health issues. You can read it HERE.

I don’t know about you but when I look in the mirror consciously and for a longer period of time it is either in a full length mirror when I am assessing an outfit or looking closely at the skin on my face  – and this act can spiral into feelings of disappointment and frustration or confidence depending on my mood. Truthfully though the former is where I land.

These moments of looking in the mirror are powerful opportunities to show compassion to ourselves. Lord knows we can all use more of that. These are the most powerfully healing emotions we can show ourselves. Studies show that compassion towards others or ourselves increases our body’s healing response and opens the rejuvenating flow of circulation.

But there is another interesting and surprising reason our loving action can benefit us so powerfully.  

Water and Love Connection

In my book “Healing Your Life with Water” I share that we are all made up of 70-80% water. This water fuels our natural rejuvenation this is one of the reasons it is important to stay hydrated.  But did you know that your emotions and thoughts have an effect on your “body of water”?

It astounded me when I learned this.  Masaru Emoto, author of several bestselling books, details his amazing experiments with photographs that show how the vibrations of thought/emotion can affect water.

Emoto wrote “You Fool” on one bottle and “I love you” on another then froze them.  In a cold environment he chipped a few ice crystal off of each and looked at them under the microscope.  

The crystals from the bottle of water that had “You Fool Written on it looked deformed, and the crystals in the bottle on which “I Love You” were written formed the most beautiful crystals he had seen to date. 

Please go to Masuro Emoto’s website to see all the beautiful colored photographs of these water crystals. His book The Hidden Messages in Water is filled with beautiful photography as well as the results of his research.

Of all the emotions written on the bottles, the water crystals with loving words and intentions created  the most beautiful crystals.

But that makes sense – we know how we feel when someone shows sincere love and gratitude—we bubble up inside, get a flush, or experience a wave of good feelings. This creates a strong inner rejuvenating flow within our own body of water.

Mind & Body of Water Connection

We are made up of 70-80% percent water, and evidently, our water “responds” in a way to what we think and feel. What are we telling our body of water consistently? When we look into the mirror, do we feel love, gratitude, admiration? Ha! Most of us mostly see our failings, fat, wrinkles, and any number of imperfections. 

Love Your Water

Try something different when you look into the mirror. If all you can see are the imperfections, look at yourself as a Body of Water instead…yes, a body of H2O. Compliment your water molecules if you can’t find anything else nice to think, feel, or say. Thank your water for playing such a big part in your health, for keeping all of your functions running smoothly and for rejuvenating you. Your water is listening and will shimmer. 

Loving Self Talk

It might not be so easy to just start thinking wonderful things about yourself out of the gate. I’ll share an exercise with you that will help lower the barriers to self-love and raise compassion. 

Do a quick assessment by asking yourself this question: On a scale from 1-10, how much does it bother me to look in the mirror? Be honest. Write it down because we will do a quick exercise to help lower that number. I know some days are better than others however overall would you say that the good days and bad days are even – 50/50? Or is it more 60/40 or 80/20?

Whatever it is we can all benefit from a bit more self-love. Lets give your mind, body and water connection a rejuvenating treat by repeating a mantra I created specifically for you today. It will help your mind and body relax emotionally and physically about receiving self-love.  If you already have a healthy love for yourself this will serve to deepen it. I’ve also included a downloadable printout. Ready?

Mirror Love Mantra

I created this Mantra by borrowing from a relaxation method I developed called “The Miracle Relax Mantra” TM.  It has worked wonders for many of my clients helping them to create emotional balance within themselves and within their relationships.  It will help create a relaxed response within your “body of water”. 

Download the mantra I have provided and repeat this Mirror Love Mantra while looking in the mirror or imagining looking in the mirror on your worst day. Go ahead and download it now.

After repeating it hopefully you feel a bit lighter. This is good, healing and rejuvenating! If you feel the same repeat it again when you are in a space with no distractions and with an intention to release anything that is opposite of self-love and self-compassion for your highest good.  Releasing stressful emotions about yourself frees up your circulation and confidence. All of this serves to uncover beauty that is within you always. We were all born with perfect purity and love – that part of us is always there. This will help you tap back into it.

Print the Mirror Love Mantra up and pin it near your mirror. After a week of repeating it notice how you feel in your own skin, notice any changes in your interactions with others and self-talk, notice your energy levels and if healthy choices become easier. Journal any changes.

Your body is thirsty for loving words and adoring thoughts from YOU. WATER you waiting for?

Grief Recovery Method® Specialist
www.DianaERuiz.com

about

Diana E. Ruiz, M.A.

Diana E. Ruiz MA helps women entrepreneurs resolve deep losses in life and relationships through practical steps so they can feel good in their skin again and experience their true brilliance in life and business. “The work Diana does is personally freeing and liberating…the added bonus? I am on fire in my business!” Rae Anne Hall – CEO Forward Principles – Diana is an Author, Grief Recovery Method Specialist®, Emotional Freedom Technique Practitioner

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What is REALLY Stopping You

What is REALLY Stopping You

Does this sound familiar? You noticed that you are applying all the knowledge you so painstakingly learned in order to accomplish something important to you and it isn’t working the way you thought it would?  I have experience this many times. What I have discovered is most times the reason I’m not moving forward in the way that I would like has nothing to do with my proficiency at implementing actions or knowledge in the area that I want to move forward in. And that trying harder doesn’t work. I’ll share a story to illustrate this.  

Hidden Blocks

A very successful client of mine was feeling frustrated. She was helping others to heal their lives and become financially successful, however she was frustrated that her own financial success was eluding her.  As we worked together we discovered that at one point as a young mother many years earlier she had decided to stay home with her young children and let go of her high paying career. She was adamant that money would not be a distraction from being a good mom. When she realized that it was her own decision keeping her from welcoming financial abundance in her life now that her children were grown.  It became apparent that all she had to do was make a new decision to welcome finances into her life again. Since making that decision her organization has grown in leaps and bounds since that very important – aha.

Another client had been trying to reach her goal of a firm, and youthful body, however every time she began her workouts she would pull a muscle a few weeks or months later.  This made it impossible to continue her routine. This pattern happened for years and it was very frustrating because she loved the way exercising made her feel emotionally as well.  After working with her we discovered that as a very sensitive and caring child she allowed herself to shine less brightly around her sister who struggled with confidence. There were several levels to her history; she was also afraid that her sister might reject her and exclude her from her social circle which happened many times. This was very emotionally painful for her. She just wanted to be accepted and loved and wanted others to feel good too.  When she understood her fears something inside her clicked. She was able to see that this wasn’t serving her anymore. She had a great relationship with her sister these many years later. The fear of hurting others by being her best self was released and she no longer suffered from injuries during her workouts.

Our subconscious is very strong and depending on our understanding of a situation will try to protect us.  Our subconscious mind is where hidden blocks are stored.

But how do you know when something hidden is holding you back and how to change it? Just pay attention to how you feel. If you are experiencing; frustration, anger, heaviness, lack of energy, anxiety that doesn’t make sense these are all sure signs of a hidden block. 

Relaxing and Revealing

When I work with clients there are several powerful methods I use to find their personal hidden blocks. In this article though, I can share that the best way to move past a block and get into inspired solutions and actions is rather simple….relax about it.  I know it sounds too simple however let me explain. 

All of those emotions I mentioned in the previous section are different expressions of fear.  When your mind body and water connection experiences fear it constricts the processes of your body and brain (read more in my article The Secret to Having More Energy). Simply put we are literally “dumber” when we are experiencing stressful emotions such as anger, frustration, shame, embarrassment, fear, and guilt etc.  All of these emotions become our “reactions” to situations.

If we choose to “relax” about the situations we find ourselves our brain gets into a supportive flow. The result is we get new ideas, solutions, and clarity.  Note: The following exercise is not about changing the situation it is about changing how you FEEL about the situation. This is the secret to accessing meaningful solutions.

Stress Isn’t The Real Problem

Stress isn’t the problem in our lives, not knowing how to relieve stress and access relaxation is the real problem. Here is a powerful exercise for you to access a relaxed response to your situation.

Exhaling Exercise – Create a moment of reflection where you are not distracted. 

  1. Breath in deeply 3 times – this creates a relaxation response in the body.
  2. Think of the situation that is bothering you, assess how you feel about it.  Rate it on a scale of 1-10. Write it down.
  3. Breathe in deeply and then exhale until you cannot exhale anymore while thinking of the issue that is bothering you. It is important to have the intent of “exhaling” any aspects of the situation that are not healthy for your mind and body of water.  You can close your eyes if you wish.

Reassess the level of intensity of how you feel. Do this until you feel lighter about the issue.  Most importantly when you are feeling lighter take time to answer the following questions and write down your answer to solidify it in your mind.

“What is the new lighter perspective on this issue?”

“What is the next logical step I can take to move forward comfortably in this situation?” Write it down and take the step.

Some clients have different new ideas that come up that they hadn’t thought of before or had already considered however hadn’t acted on it yet.  Suddenly the idea of acting on it makes logical sense and feels very doable.

Most clients realize that there isn’t a step they have to take because, without realizing it, they had been taking on someone else’s issue which they now realize isn’t their responsibility to figure out.  Their action step is – to let go.

Good health to you as you relax your way to success on your unique journey. Blessings.

Grief Recovery Method® Specialist
www.DianaERuiz.com

about

Diana E. Ruiz, M.A.

Diana E. Ruiz MA helps women entrepreneurs resolve deep losses in life and relationships through practical steps so they can feel good in their skin again and experience their true brilliance in life and business. “The work Diana does is personally freeing and liberating…the added bonus? I am on fire in my business!” Rae Anne Hall – CEO Forward Principles – Diana is an Author, Grief Recovery Method Specialist®, Emotional Freedom Technique Practitioner

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How To Get What You Really Want In Life

How To Get What You Really Want In Life

We all want to get the most out of life and dreams and goals are important. As of late I look at life a bit differently and I wanted to share a perspective for you to consider. I am hoping it will help you sift through what is most important in your life with greater ease.

I shared in my last article how feeling relaxed, confident and empowered actually helps your body to grow younger. 

Acquiring a relaxed mind that supports rejuvenation might not be at the top of everyone’s “wish list.” Most likely it’s a new job, car, relationship, house or financial security or something else like that. I know that was certainly true for me at one time. A great thing to ask yourself when you have a goal is, “Why do I really want it?” you may be surprised by the answer. Let me explain: Normally, we desire some thing or circumstance because there is always secret anticipation that it will make us feel happier, better, smarter, more respected, or more loved. No one wants a new car and then imagines himself being sorely disappointed in it, or looking less attractive, or being less respected as a result of having it. No, the person imagines himself shinier, happier, and more successful. The tendency is to think that THINGS will increase our happiness, and we come by this honestly. If we watch television long enough, we learn that if we buy new shoes or clothes, we’ll feel confident and better looking; however, eventually the shoes and the clothes come off and we feel as confident or unconfident as we did before.

Really, it’s the feeling of confidence that we’re after, and this is where the true gold is in terms of our health and rejuvenation…honestly FEELING GREAT in any situation! Acquire that and the rest is just the icing on the cake. Feeling genuine confidence is something that comes from the inside, not from

acquiring things. The tools I share in my coaching will help you regain the true riches in life—rejuvenating feelings!

There’s nothing wrong with wanting physical things in life; however, knowing that feeling good is the prime factor for keeping your inner fountain of youth running smoothly should put acquiring these feelings at the top of our wish list. Think of the last thing you wanted to acquire or accomplish—what was the “feeling” you were hoping to get from having or accomplishing it?

How long did the feeling last after you achieved or acquired it?

Live joyfully and fully.

Good luck and good health.

Visit www.dianaeruiz.com for transforming life, health and business from the inside out.

Grief Recovery Method® Specialist
www.DianaERuiz.com

about

Diana E. Ruiz, M.A.

Diana E. Ruiz MA helps women entrepreneurs resolve deep losses in life and relationships through practical steps so they can feel good in their skin again and experience their true brilliance in life and business. “The work Diana does is personally freeing and liberating…the added bonus? I am on fire in my business!” Rae Anne Hall – CEO Forward Principles – Diana is an Author, Grief Recovery Method Specialist®, Emotional Freedom Technique Practitioner

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Secret to Having More Energy

Secret to Having More Energy

Feeling tired is one of the top ten complaints I hear from my clients. When we feel tired the natural outcome is feeling there is not enough time to get what you need to get done. This becomes frustrating because most clients have goals and dreams that are kept on the back burner until they feel they have time and energy. If this resonates you’ll be happy to know that enjoying more energy which leads to being able to make the most of your time isn’t as complex as you might have thought.

First lets get on the same page regarding the stress and energy connection as shared in my book “Healing Your Life with Water – How to Use Your Mind, Body and Water Connection to Awaken Your Inner Fountain of Youth”.  The foundation of youthful vibrancy is dependent on your Mind, Body and Water connection.  Let me explain: You are born with a body that rejuvenates itself entirely every seven years. For instance your bones are brand new every three to four years. You have a new liver every six weeks (awesome right?).  The lining of your stomach is renewed every three days. So you are born with a body that wants to stay young naturally. Water is at the core of all of that rejuvenation; inhaling nutrients and exhaling toxins all at the cellular level.  Drinking enough water keeps this rejuvenating “flow” happening.  However stress can slow the flow quite literally. When we are stressed our circulation literally constricts. Think of a hose that is bent making it hard for water to get through.  When we are stressed all of that beautiful rejuvenating flow is s-l-o-w-e-d down.  When the circulatory system gets constricted because of stress it affects everything. There is a lot of science behind it however If you have experienced exhaustion after going through a stressful situation you have felt the stress/energy connection first hand.

BIGGEST CULPRIT – RELATIONSHIPS

Pat Swan, M.S., CMFT, a marriage and family therapist, states, “More than 90 percent of my clients suffering from depression, anxiety or other mental illnesses have one primary complaint—relationship problems at work or at home.  If stress and fear constricts our circulation and slows our rejuvenation – and our relationships cause the bulk of that stress—the most logical thing to do in youthful vitality is to create peaceful relationships.

In 1977 Dr. John Knowles, President of the Rockefeller Foundation, wrote in DAEDALUS, (Winter, 1977): “80% of serious illnesses seem to develop when the individual feels helpless or hopeless.”

In my experience our relationships can leave us feeling helpless. People have a habit of NOT doing, saying or acting in a way that we feel would make us happiest.  Trying to get someone to change – even for their own good – can be a frustrating task.  When we stop and think about how hugely difficult is to bring about healthy change in our own lives we can get an idea of how impossible it is to change someone else.

BEST PRACTICES FOR ENERGIZING RELATIONSHIP

The way to turn any relationship into an energy booster instead of an energy zapper is to feel empowered within it.  Feelings of empowerment and confidence are the opposite of feelings of helplessness. Biologically speaking feeling empowered and confident actually creates a relaxed response which “opens up your rejuvenating flow”. In other words it increases circulation.

But you may be thinking that all sounds nice but “how in the heck can I suddenly feel empowered instead of frustrated when I have no control over what someone else does?” Believe me, I get it!!  I’ve been there before. The good news is that feeling empowered in our relationships has nothing to do with what others say and do.  I’ll share a story to illustrate what I mean. A man, let’s call him George, is driving down the highway during the holidays and is unceremoniously cut off by a car with a Christmas tree tied to the roof.  George is immediately hot under the collar and speeds up to give the driver a piece of his mind. As he gets closer his focus is entirely on the car and its occupants…he peers in the window and notices the message scrawled on the back window “Welcome home from Iraq Daddy.”  Immediately George feels a surge of compassion and slows to allow plenty of room for the veteran and his family. Can you see that the situation was the same. The only thing that changed was how he SAW the situation and his emotions followed suit.  Compassion is a VERY rejuvenating emotion.

I will share a few exercises that will help you find a way to access a new level of compassion with those challenging relationships. We hold the power to transform our relationships by taking full responsibility or our reactions and how we feel. How we feel affects every aspect of our emotional, spiritual and physical health. You hold all of the cards.

TOOLS TO ENERGIZE

Search your mind for a moment and find a challenging relationship to work with.  Asking the following questions may help you narrow it down.

Who do I wish I could get along better with? Who do I wish treated me better? Who frustrates or angers me the most? 

When you have chosen a relationship to work on the next step is to assess how strongly you feel about it. Ask yourself “On a scale of 1-10 how much does it bother me that things aren’t the way I would like it to be. On the scale one means you are completely relaxed about it and ten means you are losing sleep over it.

Now use the same scale to measure your energy level as you are thinking about this relationship

The goal is to “lighten up” how you feel about the situation. Lighter emotions give us energy – heavy emotions slow us down. Again you are not trying to change anyone else’s behavior. Try the following exercises to help change your perspective.

  1. GRATITUDE EXERCISE: Find something to be grateful for in the situation. This can be enough to lighten up your perception internally. Remember your are offering your brain some positive feedback to hang onto so it can replace the painful thoughts that you hold currently. For instance I had a rough first marriage and carried a grudge and some painful memories which I held onto tightly…almost as a consolation prize. I knew that I had to change up the heavy feelings I carried for my own health. It was difficult however after some soul searching I decided that my three children were a blessing that came from that marriage so I wrote and repeated; “I am grateful for my marriage because it gave me three beautiful children.” This was enough to lighten up how I felt. When you complete this exercise measure the intensity of how you feel once again. Then re-measure your energy level.
  2. Quantum Confidence Technique: This exercise is derived from a method I developed.

Think of your troubling relationship and measure how much it bothers you on a scale 1-10 as before. Then measure your energy level as you are thinking about it.

Repeat the following phrase aloud.

Even though this really bothers me I am open to relaxing about it

Even though this really bothers me I am open to relaxing about it

Even though this really bothers me I am open to relaxing about it

And I am open to feeling empowered to move forward freely in a w ay that feels good and comfortable.

And I am open to new ideas to do this.

I am open to feeling bothered and empowered at the same time

When you complete this exercise measure the intensity of how you feel once again. Then re-measure your energy level.

If you feel lighter great. If you feel as strong or stronger repeat the mantra again only this time after you repeat the first line three times say this:

“Even though I WANT to feel this way.

That doesn’t make any sense but I’ve been feeling this way for awhile

so MAYBE there is a tiny part of me that WANTS to feel this way.

But that’s ok

I’m open to relaxing about it anyway”

Then continue along with the rest of it.

Think of your troubling relationship and measure how much it bothers you on a scale 1-10 as before. Then measure your energy level as you are thinking about it.

If you are feeling lighter congratulations. Keep these tools handy to help you lighten up with your relationships at work or home.

Good luck and good health.

Visit www.dianaeruiz.com for transforming life, health and business from the inside out.

Grief Recovery Method® Specialist
www.DianaERuiz.com

about

Diana E. Ruiz, M.A.

Diana E. Ruiz MA helps women entrepreneurs resolve deep losses in life and relationships through practical steps so they can feel good in their skin again and experience their true brilliance in life and business. “The work Diana does is personally freeing and liberating…the added bonus? I am on fire in my business!” Rae Anne Hall – CEO Forward Principles – Diana is an Author, Grief Recovery Method Specialist®, Emotional Freedom Technique Practitioner

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Cleaning up the Emotional Moldy Oldies of our Minds

Cleaning up the Emotional Moldy Oldies of our Minds

Our thought-life can be like a radio station that repeats the same tunes over and over, and when we have a hurtful or painful experience, it can cause us to ruminate or think of the past situation again and again, like a broken record. Have you ever had a disagreement with someone and after it was over you couldn’t get all the things you “should” have said out of your mind? I call this group of recycled stressful thoughts and the emotions they create “Moldy Oldies.” Moldy Oldies are different than those songs we remember that make us smile—they are painfully powerful. When these thoughts are directed toward ourselves they can actually cause depression and when they are directed toward another, can cause anger. These types of thoughts have been linked with general anxiety, post-traumatic stress, binge drinking, eating disorders, and self-injurious behavior and depression. Paying attention to what we are thinking about is critical to our health and happiness.

Our thoughts tend to travel in groups that center around a memory of a bad situation, in essence forming the “lyrics” to the Moldy Oldie. It becomes part of the landscape of our minds and pretty soon, that song is stuck in our head – stuck in our subconscious mind. A nasty little habit of our subconscious mind is it wants to hang on to painful events and emotions relentlessly in an effort to help us avoid similar pain in the future.

A client of mine had a favorite song that reminded her of her partner – the love of her life. It was their song. Eventually, the two had a bitter break-up, and that song became a reminder of anger and resentment.  A few years passed by and she soon found someone new. She was in the middle of a date with him one evening when this old song played through the sound system at their favorite restaurant. She hadn’t heard it for a very long time but that didn’t matter – out of nowhere she began to cry uncontrollably.  She and I worked together on all of the old “triggers” associated with their relationship and within a few sessions she no longer felt the old twinge. Each one of the reminders became a non issue.  She was freed up to move forward in her personal life in a way that felt good. No more outbursts!

Letting go of a Moldy Oldies

You try it.  Think of something that bothers you from an old relationship. Maybe seeing or thinking of that person with someone new, or maybe there is a memory makes you cringe for whatever reason. Maybe it is a thought of wishing it were like it used to be or wondering how you tolerated mistreatment for so long. All of these types of thoughts/emotions can leave us feeling heavy and in the past. We want to be present. The present moment is where ALL the magic happens in life.

Take the following steps to free yourself from Moldy Oldies.

Stop what you are doing. Making a moment creates a space for something new to happen. 

Acknowledge how you are feeling. Most times we barrel ahead in life because thinking about it hurts too much.  A funny thing happens when we do this. Our emotions get louder, they need our attention. They are trying to tell us something hurts, something is wrong. Take a moment and honor how you feel. Listen to yourself. Name the emotion. Be gentle.

Breathe in deeply a few times. This helps create a relaxation response.

Repeat “I am open to relaxing about it” three times.  Offering something as simple as this mantra helps your brain associate something positive with the old uncomfortable or painful thought.  Studies show that your brain will hang onto a positive thought if it is offered. In some instances this may be the very first time you have offered a new supportive idea into the playback tape of your mind in this area.  Words and emotions are very tightly knit and you’ll find that offering this mantra will introduce a lighter emotion as well.

Try it a few times and if you are persistent you will be able to update your Moldy Oldy with a newer cooler emotional tune. You’ll know you’ve been successful if you feel better about it or better yet if you wonder why you were so upset about it in the first place.

Your body enjoys lighter emotional fare. Feeling emotionally lighter increases circulation, metabolism, energy and youthful vitality so don’t stop there choose another. It’s important to have a something simple to use in the spur of the moment. Going through this process will help you commit it to memory. You are worth it!

Reducing stress from old relationships is one of the most important things you can do for your health and business. It’s never too soon to heal your heart.

Grief Recovery Method® Specialist
www.DianaERuiz.com

about

Diana E. Ruiz, M.A.

Diana E. Ruiz MA helps women entrepreneurs resolve deep losses in life and relationships through practical steps so they can feel good in their skin again and experience their true brilliance in life and business. “The work Diana does is personally freeing and liberating…the added bonus? I am on fire in my business!” Rae Anne Hall – CEO Forward Principles – Diana is an Author, Grief Recovery Method Specialist®, Emotional Freedom Technique Practitioner

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Divorce Grief; Your Unique Healing Process

Divorce Grief; Your Unique Healing Process

“Time heals all wounds.” “Keep your chin up.” “You’re better off without your ex anyway.” These are common clichés that caring friends and family members can offer without realizing that the complex grieving process after a divorce cannot be attained by hearing such simplified sentiments. Grief is hard, messy and very personal. It is a process that requires active participation on your part to come to terms with your feelings about your divorce, and your ex-spouse. Here are some things to consider as you move through the grief process. (These tips are relevant for any relationship that has ended.)

Give yourself a break. 

You are allowed to feel sad, angry, confused, or any other emotion that pops up post-divorce. There is no right or wrong. Honor how you feel throughout the process. Others may have your best interest in mind by saying “just get over it” but just know that the grieving process occurs on YOUR timeline. There are no time limits. You are unique. Factors such as; how it happened and why, how bad the marriage got before the divorce happened, and children among many others determine your individual process. Give yourself permission and time to feel deeply.

Moving Forward 

Before real healing can truly happen, you have to come to terms with the fact that that your marriage is over. If you are the one who initiated the divorce, you may be far past this point, however your new path brings its own challenges that can create fear and emotional discomfort. If your ex was the one who wanted the divorce this may be a sticking point effecting your moving on.  Divorce is a devastating life event, and not one that anyone would choose or create for themselves if it could be avoided. One thing you do have control over is the ability to accept responsibility for choosing to move forward.

Learning to let go of anger.

Anger can often be a feeling associated with a divorce and the end of a relationship. In the cases of infidelity, excessive spending, substance abuse, or dishonesty this could be magnified. Forgiveness is essential to moving forward.  Hanging onto anger not only clouds clear thinking, the unresolved stress associated with it can lead to behaviors to relieve the uncomfortable feeling – excess drinking, smoking, emotional eating and sleeplessness.  Stressful emotions such as anger can also sap the precious vital energy needed to maintain your health and forward motion in your business and relationships. 

NOTE: If you are feeling a bit of resistance to the idea of forgiveness this is normal.  Just know that forgiving someone does not mean that you condone the behavior that caused the hurt; it means you understand that resolving anger is good for your peace of mind, your body and spirit. You can’t control what anyone else says or does however you have complete control over how you feel about these events in your life.  It may not seem easy at the moment however there are tools that make it easier to accomplish this and return to emotional balance quicker.

You may be angry at yourself as well. This is normal too. If you are spending time rehashing what you “could’ve, would’ve, should’ve” done this is a sure sign that there is a need to gently forgive yourself. This is a time of life to extend compassion to yourself.

The weight of sad and painful feelings.

Divorce causes emotions and it may feel as though they will never subside. You may feel like you don’t want to leave your house or get out of bed. You might even feel like you are carrying a heavy weight around. All too quickly these emotions can become part of your “norm” and swept away in the midst of busy days.  It is important to acknowledge and release them.  The hidden and unresolved longterm stress from grief can add up over time and create emotional and physical issues. Common perception is that these feelings are something to just wait out, and eventually they will go away. The truth is that learning tools and techniques to identify the specific events and memories that we are unfinished with will help us work on resolving the sadness and pain of the divorce.

Working towards feeling better.

While there is no set timeline on which the grieving process must occur, you can set a goal of reaching a place where you have found a sense of resolution with your divorce and the circumstances surrounding it. Visualize what this will look like for you. Set a goal of crafting a vibrant, fulfilling post-divorce life, and actively work towards reaching that.

Are you struggling with **divorce grief? We can help guide and educate you as you work towards healing. 

**http://www.dianaeruiz.com/

Grief Recovery Method® Specialist
www.DianaERuiz.com

about

Diana E. Ruiz, M.A.

Diana E. Ruiz MA helps women entrepreneurs resolve deep losses in life and relationships through practical steps so they can feel good in their skin again and experience their true brilliance in life and business. “The work Diana does is personally freeing and liberating…the added bonus? I am on fire in my business!” Rae Anne Hall – CEO Forward Principles – Diana is an Author, Grief Recovery Method Specialist®, Emotional Freedom Technique Practitioner

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