Mask. Lipstick. Jewelry

Mask. Lipstick. Jewelry

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Mask, lipstick, jewelry…oh my!

A lot has changed since March 2020…not for the better in my eyes. Most of us are social to a
point some are introverts and some are extroverts. I know a lot of introverts at the beginning
were really happy. Now several months later they are not and I being a total extrovert is having
challenges. If the environment is set…change how you engage with it and others. Always be
the change you want to see in the world and leave it better than you found it,

So just for fun I did a social experiment on a recent grocery store trip. FYI I totally hate grocery
shopping. I am blessed as my husband does all of it except for buying cat food! So that is my
one grocery store task and I know how lucky I am truly!

Alright back to my experiment, I wore the mask, lipstick and full makeup, shoes, handbag and a
lovely black dress…it was not floor length. However, I was very tempted to do so, yet it is a
grocery store floor and decided I didn’t want my gown sweeping their floor for them for free! I
had sewn big red lips on my mask, early one as I didn’t like the fact that none could see my smile
or my lipstick! Those that know me understand that both are completely me. I wanted to see if
anyone would engage in small talk with me. I only needed cat food for my beloved kitty Coco
Chanel. I knew which aisle that was…instead I went up and down every aisle to see if people
would say anything. The very last aisle, I got the cat food. Not to mention my outfit, chandelier
earrings and three strands of pearls!

Not a single person said anything to me…except the cashier. She said “that’s a lot of cat food”.
To which I replied “I hate grocery shopping so I do it all in one trip as there are other things I
would much rather do!” She finally laughed and said “it looks like you are going somewhere
fabulous after here”. “Just home to feed my dear Coco” I replied. She then asked, “why are you
so dressed up to buy cat food?” I replied, “in a world where everything has been cancelled or
postponed to someday, I am not cancelling or postponing me being me and what makes me
happy and neither should you!” Then I waltzed my way out of the store with the sound of my
heels clicking on the floor. No one could see the real huge smile under my mask!

What are you waiting for in this pandemic? Find a way to do the things that make you-YOU!
Wear your lipstick, wear your fine jewelry, wear your heels, do your hair and makeup for you!

As I look around every one, I see looks like they have just given up everything. I overheard a
conversation that made me really sad… said “since I am wearing a mask when I go out, I rarely
brush my teeth anymore and the other said “ME TOO!”

Mask. Lipstick. Jewelry
*paid advertising

In my book, “You are perfectly flawed and rarer than any diamond!” I wrote a whole chapter
about “Find Your Love”. It was written pre Covid-19. Yet, it still rings true today and even
more so I believe. The love I wrote about is loving yourself first-means taking care of yourself
first! Brushing your teeth, washing and doing your hair, etc. All I see anywhere I look when I
am out is sweats, jammies, and a general -I DON’T GIVE A F**K ATTITUDE TOWARDS
EVERYONE, including themselves! This breaks my heart.


Yes, we are in the midst of a global pandemic!

Yes, we don’t know when life will return to how it was pre-pandemic or if it every will.

Yes, we must keep a respectful distance regardless of how you feel about it.

Yes, we can talk to people at a distance and be safe.

Yes, we need to be kind and give grace to others no matter what.

Yes, we are all on this Earth at the same time for a reason.

Yes, we need to show love to ourselves first, so that we can truly love others.

Yes, there is only one like you and there will never be another “YOU” in the future or the past.



The perfect time never comes…and time flies whether you want it to or not.

When you are comfortable you are not growing, when you are fearful you are not open to
anything but more fear.

You have the power to change how you see the world and how the world sees you. I am sure
that many people smiled when they saw me galivanting down the aisles dressed to the nines! Oh
course, with the masks I will never know…did it make me happy! Oh hell yeah! Maybe they
thought what a crazy lady…yet if I made anyone smile or think about something else. I did my
job being me and hopefully changed their perspective just for a minute or two!

Tiffany Gough

Tiffany Gough

Financial advisor I Speaker IAuthor


Tiffany Gough

Tiffany L. Gough has been in the financial services industry since 1990. Over the years, she has helped many through some difficult times while working on their financial goals. She is a financial advisor with an office in Seattle. In her debut book, "You are perfectly flawed and rarer than any diamond!", she shares some of the tools that helped her with her challenges as well as others. She grew up in Seattle. She is married and has two grown bonus sons (aka stepsons) who reside in Toronto, Ontario Canada.

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Ways to Help Your Marriage Thrive

Ways to Help Your Marriage Thrive

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A happy, life-long marriage to one you love and who loves you is desired by many in our culture. 
In the US, by the age of 50, approximately 90% of people will have been married. Even in the face of high divorce rates in the US, our hearts and minds bend oward seeking a love for life, t and often those who experience divorce go on to find another partner for love and marriage. Even in the context of high divorce rates, infidelity, and marriage breakdowns, our hearts still yearn for the sweetness of that most intimate relationship.

In the current era, marriages are under a new set of pressures as COVID-19 continues to spread. Couples are spending more time together under one roof, intermingling work and home activities, sharing childcare, education, homecare and pet care duties, and not having the same access to previous stress-relievers such as social time with friends or vacations. While marriage is already an act of optimism given divorce rates, in the modern era of COVID, it is that much more ambitious!

To consider how to help our marriages, I would like to invite you first to consider the enormous
pressure we place on ourselves in the space of the modern marriage. Esther Perel, relationship
therapist, speaker and author, points out that our need for security, permanence and safety
shows up in our expectations of marriage, while at the same time we also demand and expect
adventure, novelty and excitement. Seemingly opposite desires within the same marriage –
how can we satisfy all of this in one relationship? Perel also points out that marriage has
traditionally served as a means of creating stability, social status, and an opportunity to have
children and grow a family. Yet in the modern era we also expect that our partners will be our
best friends, our confidantes, and our lovers. And our lifespans are longer than ever!

Not only do we place tremendous pressure on our marriages for love, belonging, adventure and
great sex, we also expect deep understanding, deep acceptance and inner child healing from
our marriages. Family therapist Richard Schwartz, founder of Internal Family Systems Theory,
argues that we have been sold a bill of goods about ideal marriage. “We’ve been told that the
love we need is a buried treasure hidden in the heart of a special intimate partner. Once we
find that partner, the love we crave should flow elixir-like, filling our empty spaces and healing
our pain” (Schwartz, 2008, p. 11). We yearn for our partners to be the solace to the pain that
exists inside of us, pain that developed through the course of our lives as a result of a lifetime of

To these existing towering expectations for our marriages, add
the usual array of life challenges, including having and raising
children. Research shows that marital satisfaction declines
with the arrival of children, given the additional
responsibilities and demands on the parents. As well, there
are the pressures of career development and growth, spiritual
development and growth, home purchase and maintenance,
and the pursuit of material wealth. No wonder we are finding
marriage tough! That’s a lot of pressure on one “I do!”
So how can we offer ourselves and our partners some much-
needed relief? How can we lighten the load of expectation
each of us carried into marriage and make our union more
likely to last?

Ways to Help Your Marriage Thrive
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Work on Yourself First / Reparent Yourself

The common thread through these examples of pressures on marriage is the notion that the
Other Person is going to be the solution to My Problems. Can you imagine why we have
difficulties?  One of the tasks of adulthood is to thoroughly, compassionately, and lovingly take
up the work of reparenting ourselves. All of us, whether we came from neglectful homes or
resourced homes, from abusive parents or loving parents, from attentive parents or distracted
parents, all of us experienced wounding in our childhood that causes us pain. Our work as
adults is to honestly identify that wounding, relieve our parents of any further obligation to fix
it, and own the path to healing by reparenting ourselves. This work can be completed in the
safety of a therapy office or independently through means of self-help and learning. Regardless
of how you go about this healing work, know that it is your work to do. Relying on our partners
to heal us of this deep wounding, or continuously stretch to accommodate ways in which we
are not healing, makes the work of marriage that much more difficult.

Be the Partner You Want

Another way in which we fill our marriage  with pressure is to show up with
criticism, defensiveness, contempt and stonewalling. These are the “four horsemen of the apocalypse” that John and Julie Gottman, researchers relationship experts, teach about and write about in their books on relationship. Each of these four behaviors communicates animosity to our partners and the Gottman research shows they correlate with
relationship breakdown. As a short set of definitions:

Criticism blames the partner, arguing that unwanted experiences are a result of the partner’s failings, poor choices, or character flaws.

Defensiveness protects the self, suggesting that our own behaviors or character are
above reproach. Criticism and Defensiveness often go hand-in-hand, resulting in
escalating arguments rather than mutual solutions.

Contempt treats the partner with disrespect, mocking them, or calling them names.

Stonewalling is withdrawing, whether through silence, a cold shoulder, or physical
retreat. Disengaging from the relationship protects the self and avoids conflict and

So what can we choose instead? There are several recommendations by the Gottmans and this
link gives more details. In short, one action to consider is entering into your emotional world,
recognizing ways in which you are hurt or in pain, and bringing that vulnerability forward to
your partner. Rather than criticize his tendency to be late, you could share the worry you
experience when you don’t know his whereabouts. Rather than nag at his tendency to leave his
clothing around the house, you could be introspective about what a tidy house means to you
and offer him insights about your needs.

Lighten Up

Writer and editor Molly Tolsky offered this light-hearted solution recently: “Pro-tip for couples
suddenly working from home together. Get yourselves an imaginary coworker to blame things
on. In our apartment, Cheryl keeps leaving her dirty water cups all over the place and we really
don’t know what to do about her.” Find ways to laugh! Rather than seeing your spouse or loved
one as the enemy, see him or her as your partner, the two of you united in common pursuit of
all of your shared goals. Find ways to prioritize humor, create fun, and laugh together.

Seek Professional Help

Following these practices will help, but if you find yourself still struggling, or simply needing
support, consider seeking help from a professional therapist. Often, getting care from a
qualified professional can help motivate us to take better care of ourselves. Please feel free to
contact me if I can help you get connected to someone who will be a good fit for you.


Gottman, J. M. (1999). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.
New York: Three Rivers Press.

Perel, E. (2006). Mating in captivity: Reconciling the erotic + the domestic. New York:

Schwartz, R. C. (1995). Internal Family Systems Therapy. New York: Guilford.

Schwartz, R. C. (2008). You Are the One You’ve Been Waiting For: Bringing Courageous Love to
Intimate Relationships. Oak Park IL: Trailhead Publications.

Brenda Joy

Brenda Joy

Mental Health Counselor


Brenda Joy

Brenda is a mental health counselor who combines Counseling Psychology experience, Human Resources business experience, personal cancer recovery, and life experience of the last 25 years to care for clients. Brenda owns Thrive Counseling Services LLC, a Kirkland-based counseling practice focused on trauma care. Brenda also serves with Cancer Lifeline, a support organization for cancer survivors and their families.

Brenda’s primary counseling modality is Lifespan Integration, which is gentle, body-based therapeutic method that heals without re-traumatizing. Using a person-centered approach, Brenda also offers support with anxiety, depression, grief, and loss.

Brenda believes the therapeutic relationship and therapeutic modalities can produce healing, transformation, learning, and growth. Brenda’s hope for her clients, as for all of us, is to consider, practice, and adopt new ways of being and living that are healing and revitalizing.

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Lens of Faith

Lens of Faith

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Growing up in the 70’s, the atmosphere was not one given to fully developing who God
designed me to be. My police officer father could be overbearing and there were many times I
was silenced by his boom, or often excessively lengthy lectures. Community relations were in a
state of unrest, and adult conversation was often tense, even angry. Sometimes scary. Much of
my childhood motivation was dictated by my desire to become very small, while simultaneously
longing for my heart to be seen. I changed schools often, was shy and insecure; character traits
which followed me well into young adulthood. As a mother, I have often reflected on the journey
that has brought me from that hesitant child to the outspoken woman I am now, and have
wondered if I would have reacted to the world differently had I been given the opportunity to see
things through eyes of faith.

In today’s current climate of unrest, I have become super intentional in how I discuss certain
topics with my kids, or around them when speaking with other adults. I am painfully aware of
how easily my own concerns or opinions can inadvertently cultivate fear and bitterness, or even
taint my children’s opinions of others, politics, the world… of God… Our children are always
listening, and even when they are older, perhaps with children of their own, our decision to filter
and process life through the lens of faith above that of fear, continues to carry weight in their

Lens of Faith
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Regardless of our age, position or status, women have the capacity to create, sustain and
promote, or to tear down, the people and atmosphere around them. So the question is, how do
we effectively foster a climate of faith in our homes, churches, workplace and communities? For
me, the most powerful tools I have access to are my mind and mouth. Given their weaknesses, I
find meditation on, and repetition of God’s Word in my daily life to be the key to discovering, and
maintaining, center; for myself and my people.

Here are some resources I personally use and love:

Bible Gateway – online or the app. Great for a daily word and researching specific topics.
Jesus Calling by Sarah Young. A word for every day of the year at your fingertips.
Evoke Daily Devotional. Five 5-day devotionals with corresponding video on IGTV.
● Any of the brilliant topical prayer books by Stormie O’Martian.

My prayer today is that you would find your hope in God’s promises, in His unwavering truth and
goodness, and walk so fully in that freedom, that you would inspire those around you to do the
same. There is no darkness that God’s light cannot pierce through. In a world so clouded by
fear, may you choose to see it through the light of His hope. Shalom.

Heather Eder

Heather Eder

Coach I Editor I Author I Founder Evoke Ministries

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." - Maya Angelou


Heather Eder

I am a Mom. Wife. Coach. Author. Editor. Lover of Jesus and all things lovely. I am a Washington native and love the beauty and grit of the PNW. Professionally, I have worked in myriad setting over the years, but spent the majority of the past 22 years raising my precious babies. With two now out of the house and two still at home, time is more precious than ever, and I find myself more and more passionate about helping others pursue purposeful living. 

To me, the greatest joy in life is to evoke and nurture the greatness in one another. Walking with my clients and readers in discovering their purpose and unique gifts, guiding them in making the decision to live with intentionality in relationships, workplace, and in parenting; these are the things that make life so very rich.

My husband Chris, and I have been married for 18 years, and together have 6 children. In my personal time, I love serving on the worship, prayer and ministry teams at my church, books, coffee, the beach, a glass of wine and of course, rich conversations with good friends. 

 I look so very forward to walking this journey with you all!

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Want to Design a Healthy Home?

Want to Design a Healthy Home?

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Want to Design a Healthy Home? Try Connecting to Nature!

Taking your health and well-being in mind when designing a home is becoming increasingly imperative perhaps now more than ever. A healthy home nurtures your soul, allows you to connect with your family, and is a place of inspiration and rejuvenation.

When you live in a beautifully designed home that is created just for you, your environment will give back to you in ways you might never have considered. In fact, the design of health care, commercial and hospitality environments have long been focused on the benefits of health-focused design for quite some time. Why is commercial design so far ahead of residential design when it comes to healthy environments? Major companies want productivity and increased creativity and learned years ago that by providing a health-based environment they will increase both.

A recent study of 7,600 workers in 16 countries found that those who worked in spaces with green or other natural features reported a 15 percent higher level of wellbeing, 6 percent more productivity and 15 percent more creativity. Increasing productivity by 6 percent increases a company’s annual profit by $3,395 per employee every year. This fact alone is why companies like Apple, Amazon, Etsy and so many more are incorporating healthy design principles into the work environment.
This kind of design harmony is just now beginning to resonate with homeowners. In many ways, we already intuitively know that being in nature helps to calm, re-energize and connect, but we are learning how our indoor environment can be manipulated to give us a similar experience to walking in the woods, all while sitting on our sofa.

Don’t get me wrong, nothing beats being in the natural environment, but that isn’t always possible. And when that isn’t possible, in comes Biophilic Design which, simply put, means to connect with nature. Whether that’s directly or indirectly has been shown to not matter. “It’s not just about bringing the outside in, it’s about making and strengthening a connection with many aspects of nature.” (Oliver Heath, Biophilic Designer).

Let me share some examples of how you can transform your own home to give you all of the health benefits (physical and emotional) made possible by a nature-driven design focus.



If you’re lucky enough to live in a year-round warmer environment, creating outdoor rooms is the ultimate experience of biophilic design — taking the indoors out versus bringing the outdoors in! Not all of us are lucky enough to live in such temperate environments so bringing focus on natural light is always optimal, be it through a window, skylight or sun room. When natural light isn’t possible, consider using more reflective materials so that the little light a room receives will be amplified by the reflection on a mirror, shiny surface/wall, etc. A more extensive investment would be a small prefab unit on your property that is situated in a sunnier light both during winter and summer.


Water is multisensory and can be used as white-noise to buffer unwanted sounds from the outside (traffic, etc.) as well as provide tranquility through sight, sound and touch. In your home design, it can be incorporated through spa-like bathrooms, music mimicking nature sounds, fountains, and aquariums. Outside you can accomplish this through wetlands, rain chains, waterfalls, streams, or rain gardens. People have a strong connection to water and when used, it can decrease stress and increase health, performance, and overall well-being.


Bringing plants and vegetation to the exterior and interior spaces of your home provides a direct relationship to nature. This can be accomplished by the installation of abundant potted plants, adding green walls, fresh flowers, outdoor containers and gardens, etc. Plants have been proven to increase physical health, performance, and productivity and reduce stress. Plants also improve air quality inside the home. Their presence also increases the humidity, which could influence mucous membrane systems and filter the effects of airborne chemicals.


The natural element of fire provides color, warmth, and movement, all of which are appealing, pleasing and relaxing. Even a gas fireplace can mimic a real wood fire, without all of the pollutants.


While not always possible to feature indoors due to allergies and sensitivities, you could consider aquariums. You can accomplish even better results by featuring plants or animal feeders outside that attract birds and butterflies, and other wild creatures. Interaction with animals promotes interest, mental stimulation, pleasure, and relaxation.?

Want to Design a Healthy Home?
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If your home or a particular room doesn’t allow for natural light, especially here in the Pacific Northwest where Fall and Winter bring longer, darker days, there are ways to lighten up your space creatively. My number one tip is always to layer your lighting from the top down. A chandelier draws people into your space; table lamps are great for task lighting and make a room feel cozier; directed light from picture lighting or sconces creates visual interest and ambiance.


Natural colors or ‘earth-tones’ are those that are commonly found in nature and are often subdued tones of brown, green, and blue. Brighter colors should only be used sparingly & one study found that red flowers on plants were found to be fatiguing and distracting to occupants.

Not to oversimplify how color can guide our emotions, but less saturated colors & ones that are in the cool family-like purple, blue, and green will make a space more peaceful and less anxiety-provoking. These colors provide a healing and calming influence and are generally stress-reducing. Warm colors like red, orange and yellow are exciting and can increase blood pressure.


Images of nature have proven to be emotionally and intellectually satisfying and can be implemented through paintings, photographs, sculptures, murals, videos, etc.

Natural Materials

People prefer natural materials as they can be mentally stimulating. Natural materials are susceptible to the patina of time; this change invokes responses from people. These materials can be incorporated into homes through the use of wood and stone. Interior design can use natural fabrics, furnishings, and leather.

Adding textures like a natural wood grain is a stress reducer. It’s been proven to have the same effect as if you’re in nature. Consider bringing in wood barstools to an all-white kitchen, or installing a wood countertop instead of granite.

Shapes, Textures, Patterns & Visual Variety

Natural shapes and forms can be achieved in design through columns and nature-based patterns in rugs and fabrics. Including these different elements into spaces can change a static space into an intriguing and appealing complex area.

Natural design spaces and furnishings can include the use of repetitive, varied patterns that are seen in nature (fractals). Commonly used natural geometries are the honeycomb pattern and ripples found in water.

Seeing your favorite objects can boost your mood, support better problem-solving and enhance creative thinking. So, dust off your most meaningful objects, arrange them in evocative groupings and put them in a place where you and your guests can view them.

Space & Place

The experience of space and place uses spatial relationships to enhance well-being. This can be seen through the transition of spaces from the interior to the exterior via porches, decks, atriums and foyers. The ability to move comfortably between spaces provides a feeling of security and ease.

Incorporating items with personal significance such as art, photographs or special objects – creates a sense of place in the home and tells a story both to those who live there as well as to visitors.

Sensory Perception

If you are remodeling your home and noise is an issue, consider purchasing double-paned glass windows. Covering your ceiling with rustic wood or soft material like wallpaper is another soundproofing measure. You could also consider window treatments made from thicker textiles like wool or walls upholstered in fabric.

Using the power of smell is one of the most simple and cost-effective mood boosting tips. Choosing the scent of sweet orange and layering in the aroma of vanilla is an anxiety reducer. The smell of jasmine has the same effect on people as prescription medications that reduce anxiety. And yogis have long known that the smell of incense reduces anxiety and depression. You can obtain any of these scents with candles or aromatherapy. Even a fresh bouquet of flowers in your bedroom or home office can provide a sense of joy and exhilaration.

A Little History About How Design & Health Merged For Me

I’ve practiced interior design for fifteen years. After graduation I thought I would go into healthcare design, but at the time that seemed a little stale and boring. Prior to my design career I was a massage therapist for twelve years, and during the last three years I was working with hospice patients, providing healing touch to those at the end of their life, some of whom had never received a massage in their entire lives. An elderly patient commented afterward & I feel like a contented cow. I’m assuming that was a great compliment since it took prodding from her daughter to even consider getting a massage. What I did learn was how important place is in our lives, whether we’re actively living or saying goodbye. All of our senses: smell, touch, sight, hearing are heightened and calmed when we are in a beautiful, comfortable space. The impact of the space and things around us — color, light, air, scents and touch are always taking in information and reminding us of how we feel in any given moment.

I believe we all know innately that nature has the power to heal, strengthen and renew us, but how we achieve that in our ow homes might be less understood. I hope that this article has shed some light on a few simple ways you can effect changes to your living environment and create a healthy home for all who inhabit it.

Melinda Slater

Melinda Slater

Interior Designer


Melinda Slater

Melinda is the Principal Interior Designer and Owner of Slater Interiors in Mill Creek, Washington. She specializes in helping clients fall in love with the home they already have, as well as helping boutique businesses bring that extra personal touch to the office, employees, and their clients.

Through her interior architectural space planning and design work, she helps clients discover the potential hiding in their home and work – no matter how cramped, outdated, or non-functional it may feel right now. With a combination of values-driven creative thinking, collaborative planning, and an emphasis on sustainability, she can help transform any space into a sanctuary.

She doesn’t believe in a magic design bullet or quick fixes. What she does believe in is listening, learning, and encouraging her clients to dream big!

With 15 years in the industry, Melinda knows what’s possible for your home and can help you see it too.

Melinda has an AA in Interior Design from Bellevue College. Prior to becoming an interior designer, she worked as a licensed massage therapist for 12 years, the last two years focused on helping hospice patients find comfort and relaxation through touch. It was through this work with people at the end of their lives that Melinda became focused on the importance of the environment we live in and the need to be surrounded by beauty and inspiration as we live – and as we die. She has taken this philosophy and approaches every project with it in mind – working with clients to build a home that is representative of who they are and how they want to express themselves.

Melinda grew up on a small farm in Moscow, Idaho and her deep love of animals and the planet remains to this day. Her motto: ‘a girl can always dream!’

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Bushido – the Way of the Warrior

Bushido – the Way of the Warrior

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Bushido Values for the Modern World

“Bushido, samurai code of ethics, prepares each of us to see what is important in life.
It is truly the foundation for being a great human being.”
~Patsy Surh O’Connell, founder/president – Asia Pacific Cultural Center

Bushido, the way of the warrior, is the code which the samurai warriors of ancient Japan followed. It was a code of conduct that permeated all aspects of the warriors’ lives. It developed their character and eventually the character of an entire nation, and became a guide in moral and practical instruction. Bushido was the Japanese code of chivalry outlining the personal, social, and professional standards of conduct for the samurai.

The principles of the code of bushido:
• Courage – Yuuki
• Integrity – Gi
• Benevolence – Jin
• Respect – Rei
• Honesty – Makoto
• Honor – Meiyo
• Loyalty – Chuugi

Bushido – the Way of the Warrior
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The samurai warriors of ancient Japan dedicated their lives to uphold the principles of bushido. Seven principles, seven words can be summed up in the expression, “Do the right thing all the time.”

“A samurai was essentially a man of action.”
~ Inazo Nitobe, Bushido, The Soul of Japan

In future email newsletters, I will present and discuss the seven principles of the code of bushido to assist you in your daily lives. It is one thing to have knowledge, but the practical application could be invaluable!

Lori Whaley

Lori Whaley

TEDx Speaker | International Best-Selling Author | Life Coach


Lori Whaley

Lori Tsugawa Whaley is a motivational and inspirational speaker, international best selling author and life coach. Using her engaging, passionate, and captivating style, Lori leads her audience to examine their own dreams and goals.

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Free Yourself From Fear

Free Yourself From Fear

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What influences us to make decisions? For a lot of us, the feeling of fear can be a
strong motivating factor. Fears can rule our lives if we let them. All of our decisions can
be made in trying to avoid the things and feelings we fear. We can find ourselves
operating from a fear-based mindset without even knowing it.

Here are some clues to help us understand when we are allowing fear to run our life:

  •  We have a long list of things we “can’t do”. We have had this list for years. These
    are things we “can’t do” because we have fears surrounding them. It could be an
    irrational fear such as “I can’t dance or sing in public for fear of being
    embarrassed” What is on your “can’t do” list?
  • When we think of doing something new, we spend a lot of time imagining what
    could go wrong. We get a feeling of satisfaction when we convince ourselves that
    the new thing just isn’t safe, or practical to do. When we see someone close to
    us doing something new, we jump right away to warn them of all the pitfalls. We
    feel a sense of being protective in letting them know what could go wrong. Do
    you find yourself having that “protective” instinct?
  • We have been putting off dreams and goals that we feel very passionately about
    for “practical reasons”. We talk ourselves out of dreams and goals because we
    keep coming up with “good reasons” to not follow through with them. We let our
    minds work overtime in thinking of negative roadblocks. What negative
    roadblocks have you put in the way of your dreams?
  • We have cultivated a long list of practical reasons why we shouldn’t do new or
    unusual things. This can become somewhat of a systemic response to all new
    things or ideas. It can become a routine way of thinking. It can become a cultural
    response if we are not careful. Do you find yourself having this type of knee jerk
    reaction to new things?

What are some of the things that we hold ourselves back from? Starting a business that
you are passionate about. Quitting a job that you hate or doesn’t serve us anymore.
Leaving a relationship that is detrimental to us, whether romantic or platonic. Entering
into a new relationship. Going back to school. Writing a book. Buying or selling a house.
Contemplating retirement. Starting a family.

Free Yourself From Fear

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What excuses do we tell ourselves? The business could fail. I won’t be able to find
another job. If I leave the relationship, I will be alone for the rest of my life. A new
relationship could just fail again. Going back to school could be too hard or too
expensive or I might not use the degree anyway. People could make fun of what I write
about. I may choose the wrong house and have regrets. If I retire I may not have
enough money or my health may fail. If I start a family I may miss my freedom. You see,
the excuses we can tell ourselves go on and on.

So, how do we break this cycle of letting fears hold us back from what we are
passionate about? Here are some tips:

  • Recognize – Practice recognizing the excuses we make to ourselves as
    fear-based: “It’s not practical. It’s not smart, It’s not the right time. I could get my
    heart broken. I could be taken advantage of. I’ve seen other people fail at it.”
    Each time you find yourself thinking “safe, practical, and smart,” ask yourself is
    this warranted, or am I feeding into my own fears?
  • Replace – Practice replacing your fear-based excuse with positive outcome
    thoughts such as, “I can overcome any obstacles that come up because I have
    perseverance. Timing is never perfect. I have the passion to make this happen,
    Other people’s situations are not mine. I can only fail if I give up and I will not
    give up. I deserve to be happy!”
  • Reclaim the outcome – Practice visualizing the positive outcomes: “I will be wildly
    successful, I will meet some amazing people who will enrich my life. I will have
    some fantastic experiences. I will be happier and more fulfilled than I ever have

Keeping your mind free of fear-based thinking is all about mindset. It takes revamping
your habitual negative thinking to become a possibility thinker. Set out to work on
freeing yourself from this negative thinking by using the three R principles on a daily
basis. Practice recognizing your fear-based thoughts as they pop into your mind and
replacing them with new positive outcome thoughts and then reclaiming the outcome
with visualizing the new outcome in new and exciting possibilities. Practice seeing the
possibilities instead of the pitfalls.

One of my favorite quotes about overcoming fears:

“What if I fall? Oh but darling, what if you fly?”

Kim Edwards

Kim Edwards

Certified Women's Empowerment Coach
Vision PowerCoaching


Kimberlee Edwards

Kim is a certified Women's Empowerment Coach. She founded Vision PowerCoaching because, while working her corporate job, she discovered that the extra chair in her office cubicle was often filled with someone who needed to talk about their life. She loved listening to them and found that she often had an intuition about how to help them.

She is passionate about guiding women through some of life's toughest challenges, relating to divorce, health and family. She helps them to stop feeling overwhelmed with negativity and create a plan to find their personal power, strength and confidence in painful and difficult situations.

Kim teaches women to feel empowered and to come out on the other side of their challenge with gratitude and clarity!

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