Have you ever found yourself in a conversation with someone who gets heated and is trying to get you worked up about something?
Have you ever had someone try to convince you that you are to blame for their problems?
Has anyone ever assumed the worst of your intentions and you are completely confused by their perception?
In any given situation you find yourself in, you get to decide how it will affect you. Someone could be acting complety inappropriate and even trying to pull you into what they are feeling or thinking. However, the most important thing we can realize and get good at doing in these stiuations is seeing it objectively and for what it is, ALL ABOUT THEM. Their actions and perceptions have nothing to do with you, because we all see things through our own filters, and we create what things mean. We get to choose our outlook, and we need to take accountablility for our own behavior.
We can choose to take on the emotions the other person is exhibiting, or we can step back and find objectivity. When we take it in as if it means something about us, that is when we behave differently and act defensively. We can sometimes do this if we are not centered with our inner strength and have a firm hold on a positive self image.
How can we stay centered, and be firm in our self image?
This is where it can get convoluted. We all have our perceptions and stories we tell ourselves. If we have had a lot of past negative experiences, sometimes that inner diologue is not very pleasant and we can even come to expect bad things to happen to us. When we keep hold on the negative diologue or expectations, we are keeping ourselves from creating a better result. Instead, focus on thoughts that invoke better feelings. These thoughts can be of your strengths, past successes, other people’s positive comments about you. Latch on to what builds you and can create a positive outlook. Separate yourself from someone elses behavior, you can not control or make anyone behave a certain way, so it truly is about them. Challenge the negative expectations or conclusions in how you are reacting and what you are making it mean for you.
One of the best things you can do is step back from the situation and see it objectively, look at through curious eyes as an observer. You can do this by looking at the facts of the situation, removing any emotion from it. Separate the facts of what happened away from how you responded. This can help you see that the situation (one that you did not create) as just that, whatever the situation is. Then you can look at what you were feeling, how you responded and what thought went through your mind. Now you have something to work with. It takes effort and patience to really see it differently, be sure to take your time with it. Change the thought to something productive, positive and believable and build from there.
Keep at it, keep going and keep tapping into your inner strength by focusing on what you can control – your thoughts, and actions. Find why you are making it mean something about you, challenge those thoughts and change them to truth and positivity. You will no longer be rattled by others behavior; you will simply stay centered and be a curious observer.
Rae Ann Hall
Rae Ann Hall is the founder of Forward Principles. She is an author, speaker, and a mindset/results coach. Having had success in the business world as well as overcoming major adversities in her personal life, she brings an authentic message with a lot of heart and passion. She teaches actionable ways to get past difficulties, getting you results and motivating you to get after your dreams. Her own experiences of bringing her pain into purpose, inspires others to do the same.
Her honor is coaching people and encouraging them by providing practical tools and Forward Principles to get inspired and motivated. She helps people discover ways they can put action toward their goals through her "Result Cycle" Process. It is a thrill for her to see her clients push past limiting beliefs by tapping into their inner strength, and living their life on purpose with passion.
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