Four decades before founding Evoke Ministries, life looked a bit less structured and purposeful
than it does today. As I moved from childhood to early adulthood, I began to slowly recognize
that some of the “truths” I had grown up with, didn’t necessarily line up with my personal life
experience, or points of view. Increased knowledge, and an expansion of circumstances,
brought new light to things once held dear; thoughts and values once hidden in the subliminal,
came to light as life brought with it fresh revelation. Later, as a new mother, I began to challenge
myself in my “why’s,” and began engaging in intentional parenting. I spoke with mothers who
had gone before, read books, took courses and considered how my choices as a mom could
shape my son as an adult. There were certain core values I knew I wanted to instill, and I
carefully weighed my decisions as a parent, against those end goals for my child. Today, my
mantra is, “We do not get what we deserve. We get what we are committed to.” (Ronnie Doss)

Over time, this approach has served me extremely well as an adult; not just as a parent, but in
my relationships with family, friends and in marriage. While we cannot control the choices of
others, we can always choose our responses to them. We ourselves can cultivate the
atmosphere we want within those relationships. Living with intentionality in our decision making
and word choices, as well as our attitudes, also helps in identifying which relationships may not
be best for us – whether in that moment or long-term. Life (and therapy!) have taught me that
there is nothing more powerful and life-giving than choosing how, and when, we respond to the
people and situations in our lives. What we nurture and what we put aside, greatly determines
the atmosphere and culture we establish in our homes and daily lives. Intentional parenting
does not come by default but by design.

We must be willing to consistently learn and grow; challenge ourselves. “Do my choices speak
to the destiny I want for myself? My family? My children?” I have outlined a couple of
questions/statements which I often ask of myself and my clients, and hope they will bring some
clarity and encouragement to you as well.

What is my end game?

As women we can sometimes forget that our emotions are meant to be indicators of something
being out of balance, not a decision-making force. A solid pause and a reminder to think about
where I am headed, and where I want to lead, will do wonders in not only making a better
decision, but will also help us to maintain a sense of peace in our spirit and balance in our
relationships.

*Paid Advertising

Where am I headed?

When working with my coaching clients, I often encourage them that we don’t parent, or relate,
from where we came from, but to where we are going. Just because mom did it this way, or my
ex didn’t like that, doesn’t mean we respond in the same manner in the relationships we have
today. In my family growing up, our world was full of do’s and don’t’s, and emotional outbursts if
we didn’t line up with expectation, but there was little training in critical thinking, practical
application of life skills or relationship skills, and zero margin for error. As a parent, I work really
hard to communicate effectively while still maintaining a set of expectations. I don’t punish my
kids with chores – they do them because we are a part of a team. When a child makes a
mistake, they understand that there will be natural consequences because in life there are
always natural consequences. Learning now that the value of honesty maintains healthy
communication and trust, sets them up to be integral as an adult. Teaching them that we are in
control of our emotions and decisions, establishes accountability for future choices, which will
hopefully keep them gainfully employed and healthfully married.

Do I trust I’ve established a solid foundation?

Often as women, when we see others choosing a path which violates our personal, relational, or
familial expectations, we can perceive the need to continue to correct; whether it’s a child,
spouse or even friend. Our job, however, is not to control, but rather to help stir up one
another’s strengths, to evoke the greatness within them, while helping them to effectively
manage the weaknesses. When we feel the need to manage another person’s choices, it’s vital
we revisit if we have done enough to communicate our message clearly. If we have, we must
allow bandwidth for free-will and not take the decision personally. If we have not, it’s ok to grace
ourselves and gently, but firmly, reestablish those parameters. Our position is to lead and guide,
not control and micromanage.

While there is no one way to live life purposefully, I do believe these core questions are a vital
start to finding more success and peace in the relationships we hold most dear. May you find
great success and joy as you uncover your own personal strategies for living your best and
most fulfilled life!

about

Heather Eder

I am a Mom. Wife. Coach. Author. Editor. Lover of Jesus and all things lovely. I am a Washington native and love the beauty and grit of the PNW. Professionally, I have worked in myriad setting over the years, but spent the majority of the past 22 years raising my precious babies. With two now out of the house and two still at home, time is more precious than ever, and I find myself more and more passionate about helping others pursue purposeful living. 

To me, the greatest joy in life is to evoke and nurture the greatness in one another. Walking with my clients and readers in discovering their purpose and unique gifts, guiding them in making the decision to live with intentionality in relationships, workplace, and in parenting; these are the things that make life so very rich.

My husband Chris, and I have been married for 18 years, and together have 6 children. In my personal time, I love serving on the worship, prayer and ministry teams at my church, books, coffee, the beach, a glass of wine and of course, rich conversations with good friends. 

 I look so very forward to walking this journey with you all!