When you were pledging, ‘To have and to hold,’ you didn’t ever see this coming. Yes, divorce
happens, but it wouldn’t to you. Until it did, and now you find yourself feeling a range of
emotions. You’re angry, disappointed, betrayed, thrilled, elated, optimistic and pessimistic all at
the same time, and that’s just naming a few of the intense feelings that come when our lives
change because of divorce.
Most difficult for many of us is finding ourselves again after divorce. For many, our lives as
wives and/or mothers were all we knew as adults, and now we find ourselves looking for
redefinition. If you’ve been wondering how to find purpose after divorce, you’re not alone, and
we’ve got some really positive strategies to help you.
Who Are You?
The most important thing you can do after a divorce is to figure out who you are. Yes, you know
you’re still the same person you’ve always been, but you’re now living a new life, and it comes
with a whole set of rules and guidelines that you’re not familiar with.
When seeking purpose after divorce, you have to truly take a look at who you really are. Did
you go to that church because you loved the message and felt it was home, or was that what
you did as a family and it just happened to be there?
Did you really enjoy volunteering at the local soup kitchen or did you feel like you needed to do
so because the other wives in your social group do so as well?
You need to look at what your pre-divorce life opportunities and obligations were and decide if
they’re still ones you feel fully optimistic and enthusiastic about. If not, now is the time to
decide who you want to be, and to eliminate the unwanted and bring in things that makes you
feel like the person you are becoming.
What Do You Want To Do?
Marriage is filled with compromise. In fact, just about everything in marriage is a compromise
of what two different people want. Even if both you and your ex-spouse had similar likes and
hobbies, odds are you still compromised often on how you went about living life and engaging
in those hobbies and shared appreciations.
So now is the time it’s about YOU. What do YOU want to do? Did you always want a cat but
your spouse didn’t? Get the cat! Did you want to go to the mountains but your spouse was a
beach person and so you spent family vacations at the beach? Go to the mountains!
Did you want to plant Zinnias in the garden but your spouse preferred rosebushes? Plant what
you want! The point is to take a look at what you’d like to do from this point forward—big or
small— and then set about doing them. They don’t have to be time-consuming or expensive
things, but they do need to be things you want to do and will find joy in doing.
Who Are Your People?
One of the toughest aspects of divorce is the old joke about dividing the friends. Sadly, it’s not
really a joke, and certainly not a laughing matter. All too often, friends who were friends pre-
divorce end up sort of dropping out of your life—feeling awkward as they remain couples, or
not really knowing what ‘side’ to choose.
And that’s just life sometimes. People aren’t always meant to stay in our lives forever (though
some do, and for them, we are eternally grateful!). Take this time to make new friends and
forge new relationships. We know it can be tough, particularly if all you want to do is lay in bed
and binge Netflix while you lick your wounds. Doing that some is okay too, but remember you
have a lot to offer and a lot of flexibility in this new life, so take advantage of it. Go out with co-
workers, join a gym or local hobby club of something that interests you or even go online and
find some groups in which you can find some new people. Particularly on the days after divorce
when finding your purpose is hard, those will be the ones you’ll depend on the most.
Finding your purpose after divorce is not something that happens at the snap of our fingers, so
give yourself some grace and reduced expectation initially. When you decide you’re ready to
take on this new life, you’ll be able to do so with intention, and you’ll open yourself up to a
whole new you!
I was becoming an empty nester, a woman of a more interesting age and in transition. Sound familiar? I was at that place where we question our purpose, value, and worth and what in the world are we going to do with the rest of our lives.
I noticed women have a huge hunger to belong to a community of women where they can feel safe, share openly from their heart and have other women to do life with! This is why I created my Fave Lifestyles.
Fave is for the woman who wants to call Fave her community of women who support, uplift, and make her feel better about herself. I want to create a place where we help her answer life's questions and just do life together!
Let's Do Life Together at Fave Lifestyles
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