Love The One You’re With

When you look in the mirror what do you see?  Who do you see?

Can you look into those beautiful eyes looking back at you or do you skirt around those eyes just to see if your face is presentable?

I spent most of my life afraid to look in my own eyes for fear of what I would see.  The fear was of not being good enough.  That I was the mistake I was working hard not to be.  But I didn’t know that.

I just knew that I needed to look good.  Be good.  Do the right things.  Putting on the smile to hide the pain from the past I was deeply ashamed of.  The choices and decisions I had made that had me ridden with guilt. Thinking I was alone in all of this muck and that everyone else was better than me.  No one else was as unworthy as I was.

Today that is not the case.  When I look in the mirror I see a woman who is willing to accept her past as just that.  The past.  This way I can learn from it and not feel swallowed up by it.

Being willing to take responsibility for those choices and decisions I had already made gave me a shift in perception that I needed to be able to make the choices and decisions that I am currently making to fuel the life I want to create.

This is done through self-awareness.  As we learn to observe ourselves, we can change our thoughts, ideas and behaviors which begins our personal transformation.

Self-awareness means that we stop long enough to acknowledge who we see in the mirror.  The perfect you and the imperfect you.

We all have both sides to us which makes us works in progress.  All of us.

The challenge is to trust that perfect you.  The one you are at your core.  The one you are becoming.  

Here is a way to begin…

We’ve all heard of mirror work and some of us have tried it yet doing it this way can bring change.

Each day take 3 minutes and look into your eyes in the mirror.  Set your timer on your phone. You want to take the full 3 minutes.

  • Look into your eyes
  • What feelings arise?
  • Do you want to look away?  Do you look away?  Does it feel intense?
  • What are the thoughts that arise?  Does it sound like “this is stupid”, “of course i love myself.  I don’t need to do this”.
  • Stay there a little longer
  • Does your mind start to calm down?
  • How about those feelings?  Is there sadness, grief, joy, peace, calm?

Practice this every day for 7 days and see how you feel.  I encourage you to keep going until you can look at yourself and feel peace, even love.

Learning to love yourself in all your complexity can be challenging and so worth it.  Cherishing yourself for all you’ve experienced and the potential yet to come.

The magic lies in loving the one you’re with…you!

Brenda Reiss

Brenda Reiss

Forgivness Coach


Brenda Reiss

The author of “Forgive Yourself”, Brenda Reiss truly walks her talk. She discovered the power of self-forgiveness when a series of life events put her in a very dark place. Failed marriages, abuse, and severe health issues were just a few of the challenges she faced.

Determined to rewrite her story, Brenda sought answers – and found them in the concept of “radical forgiveness”.

What she learned changed her life forever.

Brenda is highly skilled at helping people find peace in their personal and professional lives. Coupling teachable techniques with forgiveness theory, this certified Radical Forgiveness© Master coach creates an environment which allows clients to release anger, shame, and guilt. The result? An opportunity to live with joy in the present and the future.


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