Relationship Satisfaction Quotient in Trying Times

We can all agree, life as we have known it is turned upside down right now. Many of us are staying
connected via Zoom or communication tools. Being a very relational person I’m particularly thankful for
these options. In my job as Regional Director of the Non-Profit Organization Modern Widows Club I am
on Zoom nearly everyday and sometimes for hours. On one hand, I LOVE talking to our leaders and
supporting them as they lead their respective chapters across the country. On the other hand,
sometimes I can feel exhausted and actually somewhat disconnected. For me, feeling disconnected can
breed discontentment. This past week I was faced with this disconnected feeling and spent some time
really delving into why I was feeling this way. It so happens our organization provides monthly topics for
our leaders that are centered around what we call “The Seven Pillars of a Healthy Widow”. While you
may not be a widow, we can all be challenged with the circumstances of life that bring varying forms of
grief, loneliness and being out of sync with ourselves or our community. This month’s topic “Level Up
the Relational Bonding This Summer” was really on point for how I had been feeling.

While I am now remarried, I became widowed 9 years ago when my husband died from a sudden heart
attack. Life as I knew it was turned upside down, not unlike what we are all experiencing right now.
Everything changed at that moment and I was immediately faced with choosing how I would walk this
journey. I am forever grateful that I found the Modern Widows Club just three weeks after my husband
died. Our mission statement is to “encourage widows to lean into life, build resilience and make a
positive difference in society”. A key component to accomplishing this for any widow or any woman is
to CHOOSE how we will weather the storms we face, including evaluating our relationships and what
we want from them. I spoke with a couple of people in my life this past week and let them know I was
feeling disconnected. In these particular relationships it had everything to do with me and hardly
anything to do with them. Because we have a deep relationship it was just good to be open and honest
and walk thru it together.

Losses in life such as death, divorce, loss of jobs, and even loss of hopes and dreams can change our
relationships with the people in our lives. Taking inventory of our relationships and determining what
we need and or want can be a healthy action to raise our satisfaction quotient in our lives. Consider
these questions and or actions suggested by our Founder, Carolyn Moor:

• Who is in our lives and do we want to “level up” the relationship? It is up to us to make a choice
  to level up the relationship.
• Strive for relationship balance, am I doing my part?
• Deal with conflicts head-on and then move on. Instead of texting (often intentions are
  misunderstood) use actual conversation or using other video-driven apps like Marco Polo where
  your voice is heard.
• Only apply fixing and controlling to your TV remote.
• Understand your happiness is your responsibility.
• Take self-care time.
• Share feelings openly and honestly with kindness.
• Agree to disagree.

Relationships and friendships can develop on many levels, whether it be utility, pleasure, or doing
good together. As long as there is mutual respect and admiration for each other’s qualities,
something will blossom or grow from where we are to what we want it to be.

about

Cindy Toledo

 Cindy Toledo is currently the Regional West Director of Modern Widows Club, a national non-profit organization that serves to empower widows to lean into life, build resilience and make a positive difference in society. Cindy became a widow in July 2011 when her husband died from a sudden heart attack. She found Modern Widows Club three weeks later and found her passion and purpose while leading two chapters in the Seattle area. She is seeking to rebuild a chapter in our area and invites anyone interested to contact her at regionalwest@modernwidowsclub.org.