Feeling tired is one of the top ten complaints I hear from my clients. When we feel tired the natural outcome is feeling there is not enough time to get what you need to get done. This becomes frustrating because most clients have goals and dreams that are kept on the back burner until they feel they have time and energy. If this resonates you’ll be happy to know that enjoying more energy which leads to being able to make the most of your time isn’t as complex as you might have thought.

First lets get on the same page regarding the stress and energy connection as shared in my book “Healing Your Life with Water – How to Use Your Mind, Body and Water Connection to Awaken Your Inner Fountain of Youth”.  The foundation of youthful vibrancy is dependent on your Mind, Body and Water connection.  Let me explain: You are born with a body that rejuvenates itself entirely every seven years. For instance your bones are brand new every three to four years. You have a new liver every six weeks (awesome right?).  The lining of your stomach is renewed every three days. So you are born with a body that wants to stay young naturally. Water is at the core of all of that rejuvenation; inhaling nutrients and exhaling toxins all at the cellular level.  Drinking enough water keeps this rejuvenating “flow” happening.  However stress can slow the flow quite literally. When we are stressed our circulation literally constricts. Think of a hose that is bent making it hard for water to get through.  When we are stressed all of that beautiful rejuvenating flow is s-l-o-w-e-d down.  When the circulatory system gets constricted because of stress it affects everything. There is a lot of science behind it however If you have experienced exhaustion after going through a stressful situation you have felt the stress/energy connection first hand.

BIGGEST CULPRIT – RELATIONSHIPS

Pat Swan, M.S., CMFT, a marriage and family therapist, states, “More than 90 percent of my clients suffering from depression, anxiety or other mental illnesses have one primary complaint—relationship problems at work or at home.  If stress and fear constricts our circulation and slows our rejuvenation – and our relationships cause the bulk of that stress—the most logical thing to do in youthful vitality is to create peaceful relationships.

In 1977 Dr. John Knowles, President of the Rockefeller Foundation, wrote in DAEDALUS, (Winter, 1977): “80% of serious illnesses seem to develop when the individual feels helpless or hopeless.”

In my experience our relationships can leave us feeling helpless. People have a habit of NOT doing, saying or acting in a way that we feel would make us happiest.  Trying to get someone to change – even for their own good – can be a frustrating task.  When we stop and think about how hugely difficult is to bring about healthy change in our own lives we can get an idea of how impossible it is to change someone else.

BEST PRACTICES FOR ENERGIZING RELATIONSHIP

The way to turn any relationship into an energy booster instead of an energy zapper is to feel empowered within it.  Feelings of empowerment and confidence are the opposite of feelings of helplessness. Biologically speaking feeling empowered and confident actually creates a relaxed response which “opens up your rejuvenating flow”. In other words it increases circulation.

But you may be thinking that all sounds nice but “how in the heck can I suddenly feel empowered instead of frustrated when I have no control over what someone else does?” Believe me, I get it!!  I’ve been there before. The good news is that feeling empowered in our relationships has nothing to do with what others say and do.  I’ll share a story to illustrate what I mean. A man, let’s call him George, is driving down the highway during the holidays and is unceremoniously cut off by a car with a Christmas tree tied to the roof.  George is immediately hot under the collar and speeds up to give the driver a piece of his mind. As he gets closer his focus is entirely on the car and its occupants…he peers in the window and notices the message scrawled on the back window “Welcome home from Iraq Daddy.”  Immediately George feels a surge of compassion and slows to allow plenty of room for the veteran and his family. Can you see that the situation was the same. The only thing that changed was how he SAW the situation and his emotions followed suit.  Compassion is a VERY rejuvenating emotion.

I will share a few exercises that will help you find a way to access a new level of compassion with those challenging relationships. We hold the power to transform our relationships by taking full responsibility or our reactions and how we feel. How we feel affects every aspect of our emotional, spiritual and physical health. You hold all of the cards.

TOOLS TO ENERGIZE

Search your mind for a moment and find a challenging relationship to work with.  Asking the following questions may help you narrow it down.

Who do I wish I could get along better with? Who do I wish treated me better? Who frustrates or angers me the most? 

When you have chosen a relationship to work on the next step is to assess how strongly you feel about it. Ask yourself “On a scale of 1-10 how much does it bother me that things aren’t the way I would like it to be. On the scale one means you are completely relaxed about it and ten means you are losing sleep over it.

Now use the same scale to measure your energy level as you are thinking about this relationship

The goal is to “lighten up” how you feel about the situation. Lighter emotions give us energy – heavy emotions slow us down. Again you are not trying to change anyone else’s behavior. Try the following exercises to help change your perspective.

  1. GRATITUDE EXERCISE: Find something to be grateful for in the situation. This can be enough to lighten up your perception internally. Remember your are offering your brain some positive feedback to hang onto so it can replace the painful thoughts that you hold currently. For instance I had a rough first marriage and carried a grudge and some painful memories which I held onto tightly…almost as a consolation prize. I knew that I had to change up the heavy feelings I carried for my own health. It was difficult however after some soul searching I decided that my three children were a blessing that came from that marriage so I wrote and repeated; “I am grateful for my marriage because it gave me three beautiful children.” This was enough to lighten up how I felt. When you complete this exercise measure the intensity of how you feel once again. Then re-measure your energy level.
  2. Quantum Confidence Technique: This exercise is derived from a method I developed.

Think of your troubling relationship and measure how much it bothers you on a scale 1-10 as before. Then measure your energy level as you are thinking about it.

Repeat the following phrase aloud.

Even though this really bothers me I am open to relaxing about it

Even though this really bothers me I am open to relaxing about it

Even though this really bothers me I am open to relaxing about it

And I am open to feeling empowered to move forward freely in a w ay that feels good and comfortable.

And I am open to new ideas to do this.

I am open to feeling bothered and empowered at the same time

When you complete this exercise measure the intensity of how you feel once again. Then re-measure your energy level.

If you feel lighter great. If you feel as strong or stronger repeat the mantra again only this time after you repeat the first line three times say this:

“Even though I WANT to feel this way.

That doesn’t make any sense but I’ve been feeling this way for awhile

so MAYBE there is a tiny part of me that WANTS to feel this way.

But that’s ok

I’m open to relaxing about it anyway”

Then continue along with the rest of it.

Think of your troubling relationship and measure how much it bothers you on a scale 1-10 as before. Then measure your energy level as you are thinking about it.

If you are feeling lighter congratulations. Keep these tools handy to help you lighten up with your relationships at work or home.

Good luck and good health.

Visit www.dianaeruiz.com for transforming life, health and business from the inside out.

Grief Recovery Method® Specialist
www.DianaERuiz.com

about

Diana E. Ruiz, M.A.

Diana E. Ruiz MA helps women entrepreneurs resolve deep losses in life and relationships through practical steps so they can feel good in their skin again and experience their true brilliance in life and business. “The work Diana does is personally freeing and liberating…the added bonus? I am on fire in my business!” Rae Anne Hall – CEO Forward Principles – Diana is an Author, Grief Recovery Method Specialist®, Emotional Freedom Technique Practitioner

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